My 29th birthday was awesome. I realized that as I begin my 30th year of life, that I have not focused enough on myself. So I dub the next year, "The Year of Sam." I think everyone should have their own year. I think it would make everyone more successful in life. Discovering your true inner self while living among the beauty of the choices you've made in your life to get to this point.
I have a lot that I've accomplished in my short lifespan. But all of those successes were accomplished in spurts. I want to look back at this year as a year of positive change. A year where I didn't refuse any opportunity that helped me progress as a person.
I have 5 goals in mind to encourage my success. They are:
1) to see the optimism in every aspect, good and bad, of life
2) to grow closer to myself and be less critical
3) to get in the best shape of my life
4) to grow in my love for my kids and hubby (This is a given)
5) to work toward being the person I know I can be and the person I want to be
I am well on my for all of these, but it doesn't hurt to want to continue my growth as a person, woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend.
Peace.
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Thursday, November 11, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Will the Real Slim Sami Please Stand Up?
For as long as I can remember weight has been my battle. I've always been "larger" than the average female, never really obese in nature, but just simply "larger." According to my medical file from about three years ago, I was marked by my doctor as "a mildly obese woman." WOWSERS! Those words stabbed like a knife into my guts.
After reading those words, I knew something had to be done. But I wasn't quite sure of how to succeed. I am the queen of crash and fad diets, as I'm sure many of my female friends are too. For some reason we all feel the need to not just feel healthy, but look it as well. I've never had blood pressure problems, joint issues (while not pregnant), no issues with my menstrual cycle (until recently), no issues with back pain, no weird growths, no real issues with sugar. I am slightly hypoglycemic, but that's easily controlled with regular eating (of the right foods).
I lost about 10 lbs after reading my personal medical file where I was dubbed as part of our obese society. Then got pregnant with Mason. I was super healthy with him. I ate right, I even moderately exercised. I tried oh so very hard to not gain the same 67ish pounds I had gained with my daughter. (I did lose all that weight by the way.) With Mason I only gained about 25ish pounds. Easy and simple to take off post pregnancy. But then the real battle with my weight began.
I was determined to lose and get to a "healthy" status. I want that "mildly obese" phrase OUT of my medical file. I do have one major issue that fights against my weight loss. I have hypothyroidism. Have had this since I was about 14. (well that's when I was diagnosed) It makes it a tad difficult to lose weight. I simply have to watch even closer what I eat, and I have to work out a little bit harder or longer.
As I sit here blogging about this oh so personal issue for me, I wonder if there are other women like me. I know after having children our bodies change. It's impossible to prevent. But my body has changed for the better. I'm more driven now to lose weight, to keep up with my kids, to lengthen (hopefully) my life, and to keep my, so far, healthy track record in tact.
Being slim isn't really my goal. Losing weight is. I have to watch what I eat constantly. Until a couple months ago I was working out 3-5 times a week on my treadmill and with strength training. I don't think there really is any other way to lose weight except to do it over time and not only train your body to be smaller, but train your brain to think differently about what you are doing. My eating habits are indeed becoming habits, and exercise is a huge bonus in my emotional and mental stability.
One day soon I hope to blog that I've reached my goal weight, that I'm maintaining it, and that for once in my life the Slim Sami will abound and my medical record will no longer hold that awful phrase!
Peace.
After reading those words, I knew something had to be done. But I wasn't quite sure of how to succeed. I am the queen of crash and fad diets, as I'm sure many of my female friends are too. For some reason we all feel the need to not just feel healthy, but look it as well. I've never had blood pressure problems, joint issues (while not pregnant), no issues with my menstrual cycle (until recently), no issues with back pain, no weird growths, no real issues with sugar. I am slightly hypoglycemic, but that's easily controlled with regular eating (of the right foods).
I lost about 10 lbs after reading my personal medical file where I was dubbed as part of our obese society. Then got pregnant with Mason. I was super healthy with him. I ate right, I even moderately exercised. I tried oh so very hard to not gain the same 67ish pounds I had gained with my daughter. (I did lose all that weight by the way.) With Mason I only gained about 25ish pounds. Easy and simple to take off post pregnancy. But then the real battle with my weight began.
I was determined to lose and get to a "healthy" status. I want that "mildly obese" phrase OUT of my medical file. I do have one major issue that fights against my weight loss. I have hypothyroidism. Have had this since I was about 14. (well that's when I was diagnosed) It makes it a tad difficult to lose weight. I simply have to watch even closer what I eat, and I have to work out a little bit harder or longer.
As I sit here blogging about this oh so personal issue for me, I wonder if there are other women like me. I know after having children our bodies change. It's impossible to prevent. But my body has changed for the better. I'm more driven now to lose weight, to keep up with my kids, to lengthen (hopefully) my life, and to keep my, so far, healthy track record in tact.
Being slim isn't really my goal. Losing weight is. I have to watch what I eat constantly. Until a couple months ago I was working out 3-5 times a week on my treadmill and with strength training. I don't think there really is any other way to lose weight except to do it over time and not only train your body to be smaller, but train your brain to think differently about what you are doing. My eating habits are indeed becoming habits, and exercise is a huge bonus in my emotional and mental stability.
One day soon I hope to blog that I've reached my goal weight, that I'm maintaining it, and that for once in my life the Slim Sami will abound and my medical record will no longer hold that awful phrase!
Peace.
Friday, October 8, 2010
At 28 years old I never thought I'd be uttering the words hysterectomy as a part of my life. It seems so young to be experiencing such a process, yet here I am.
In life there are moments that define a person's integrity. Not that a hysterectomy has a lot to do with my integrity. What I mean is my life is full of moments that have prepared me for this transition into a different chapter. I am convinced our lives are books being written, chapter by chapter. The past 10 years has written like 50. No just kidding, but really it's been a ride.
My first surgery I was 19 and was forming tennis ball size cysts nearly over night on my ovaries. An emergency surgery was warranted in order to save my left ovary and keep a cyst from bursting. It was a scary ordeal. I was very frightened and unable to keep my fear to myself.
I remember the nurse asking me what brought me to the hospital, where I snidely answered, "My mom." It was the truth. She had taken me to the ER. As my anxiety level rose, the nurse asked me if I would like some sort of tranquilizer to which I responded, "I'm not a horse." That's the last of my memory until waking up in recovery and having the buckling pain gone! It was such a relief.
For 10 years I've avoided having any sort of surgery on my ovaries or uterus and here I am. In February I started having menstrual related migraines, so at my yearly checkup in April I expressed the issues to my doctor. We decided it could be related to my birth control, so we changed it. I won't bore you with the not fun details of the next 3 months spent on pain killers and migraine meds, as well as dealing with nausea and vomiting.
In September I went for an appointment and the ultrasound showed, what we thought, was a stuck left ovary and decided to remove it. We also decided to biopsy my uterus to check for an illness called Adenomyosis. Adenomyosis is a condition in which endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, is present within and grows into the muscular walls of the uterus.
So after a week of recovery, here we are. I went for my checkup and it's concluded with a severe adenomyosis diagnosis. Seeing that the only other solution to a hysterectomy is menopause, which I'm obviously too young for, hysterectomy has become a part of my 28-year-old vocabulary.
Was I planning to have more children, not sure. I figured if it was in the cards it would happen. But it never did before this issue. It's not life or death. It's a new beginning in a pain-free life. And for that I'm very happy.
I have one of the best doctors I've ever had and one of the best support systems a girl could ask for. But we'll see how I feel after really having the hysterectomy.
In life there are moments that define a person's integrity. Not that a hysterectomy has a lot to do with my integrity. What I mean is my life is full of moments that have prepared me for this transition into a different chapter. I am convinced our lives are books being written, chapter by chapter. The past 10 years has written like 50. No just kidding, but really it's been a ride.
My first surgery I was 19 and was forming tennis ball size cysts nearly over night on my ovaries. An emergency surgery was warranted in order to save my left ovary and keep a cyst from bursting. It was a scary ordeal. I was very frightened and unable to keep my fear to myself.
I remember the nurse asking me what brought me to the hospital, where I snidely answered, "My mom." It was the truth. She had taken me to the ER. As my anxiety level rose, the nurse asked me if I would like some sort of tranquilizer to which I responded, "I'm not a horse." That's the last of my memory until waking up in recovery and having the buckling pain gone! It was such a relief.
For 10 years I've avoided having any sort of surgery on my ovaries or uterus and here I am. In February I started having menstrual related migraines, so at my yearly checkup in April I expressed the issues to my doctor. We decided it could be related to my birth control, so we changed it. I won't bore you with the not fun details of the next 3 months spent on pain killers and migraine meds, as well as dealing with nausea and vomiting.
In September I went for an appointment and the ultrasound showed, what we thought, was a stuck left ovary and decided to remove it. We also decided to biopsy my uterus to check for an illness called Adenomyosis. Adenomyosis is a condition in which endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, is present within and grows into the muscular walls of the uterus.
So after a week of recovery, here we are. I went for my checkup and it's concluded with a severe adenomyosis diagnosis. Seeing that the only other solution to a hysterectomy is menopause, which I'm obviously too young for, hysterectomy has become a part of my 28-year-old vocabulary.
Was I planning to have more children, not sure. I figured if it was in the cards it would happen. But it never did before this issue. It's not life or death. It's a new beginning in a pain-free life. And for that I'm very happy.
I have one of the best doctors I've ever had and one of the best support systems a girl could ask for. But we'll see how I feel after really having the hysterectomy.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Pressing Onward
This poem was shared with me. So I thought I'd share it with you as my blog for today.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
-- Author Unknown
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
-- Author Unknown
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Chapter 11; Worry-Some Mom
Hello, my name is Samantha and I am a worry wart. My husband has diagnosed me with Worst Case Scenario Syndrome (not an official illness deemed by the medical field professionals). I am in transition.
I feel much better. LOL! Seriously, I really do worry about everything. My kids safety is at my utmost concern and even more so their future safety. How can I possibly be concerned for events that have not yet transpired? I am a mental case, as I think all moms are when it comes to their children.
However, am I only concerned inside? The truth is I know that I'm raising my children to be productive members of our society. If I cocoon them into a world of bubble wrap, who really am I protecting? One day they will leave my house and begin a life of their own. My only hope is that I raise them to make good decisions and be good to people.
It is really hard for me to let go in a timely manner. I know the day will come in the next year that Kara will be venturing off in her own to school. Kindergarten. That awful year. LOL! Really it's not awful, but it is the gearing up for another phase in my mothering season. I want my child to go to school. I want her to experience the social aspects in life and be a model of kindness. But I have to start that now. OH THE PRESSURE!!! It just so happens that I forget all too often that I have someone else to lean on. To rely on in the seasons of mothering. God.
The Bible states in Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
It is beyond important to me that I remember this scripture. It helps me when I'm struggling with protecting my kids from future unknowns. I know that God is there to help me, and He'll be there to help my kids.
I cannot protect my kids from everything, but I can arm them with the Word the Truth the knowledge that in everything they do, God is there for them. If I teach them this, they'll have a shield for their lives and I can rest. HAHAHAH! Yeah .. God knows me. He knows that I will do what I can for my kids, but I'll always have concern for them. It is natural for me to feel protective of my kids. I love them. But I won't always be there to encourage their decisions.
To be frank, I am scared out of my wits for them to be young adults. Only because I know how I was. LOL! I just hope they are equipped to make good decisions. Worrying will only get me so far. I have to equip them. I can't change the world around them, but I can encourage how they respond to it.
More Real Mom Moments:
I feel much better. LOL! Seriously, I really do worry about everything. My kids safety is at my utmost concern and even more so their future safety. How can I possibly be concerned for events that have not yet transpired? I am a mental case, as I think all moms are when it comes to their children.
However, am I only concerned inside? The truth is I know that I'm raising my children to be productive members of our society. If I cocoon them into a world of bubble wrap, who really am I protecting? One day they will leave my house and begin a life of their own. My only hope is that I raise them to make good decisions and be good to people.
It is really hard for me to let go in a timely manner. I know the day will come in the next year that Kara will be venturing off in her own to school. Kindergarten. That awful year. LOL! Really it's not awful, but it is the gearing up for another phase in my mothering season. I want my child to go to school. I want her to experience the social aspects in life and be a model of kindness. But I have to start that now. OH THE PRESSURE!!! It just so happens that I forget all too often that I have someone else to lean on. To rely on in the seasons of mothering. God.
The Bible states in Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
It is beyond important to me that I remember this scripture. It helps me when I'm struggling with protecting my kids from future unknowns. I know that God is there to help me, and He'll be there to help my kids.
I cannot protect my kids from everything, but I can arm them with the Word the Truth the knowledge that in everything they do, God is there for them. If I teach them this, they'll have a shield for their lives and I can rest. HAHAHAH! Yeah .. God knows me. He knows that I will do what I can for my kids, but I'll always have concern for them. It is natural for me to feel protective of my kids. I love them. But I won't always be there to encourage their decisions.
To be frank, I am scared out of my wits for them to be young adults. Only because I know how I was. LOL! I just hope they are equipped to make good decisions. Worrying will only get me so far. I have to equip them. I can't change the world around them, but I can encourage how they respond to it.
More Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom encourages her babies to do the next skill, and once her babies roll, crawl, or walk, she silently wishes her babies weren't growing up so fast.
- A real mom tells her husband to take the kids out for a while, and then determines not to worry the whole time they are gone.
- A real mom wants a night to herself for relaxation, but thinks about her kids the entire time.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Chapter 10: Busy Moms
Ok .. so it's kinda funny that this blog would be about being a busy mom, when that's the whole reason I haven't blogged in so long. I've been rather busy. From camping to in-laws to my sister's wedding out of state, life's been busy in our home.
After reading this chapter I came to the realization that I have some crazy expectations for myself. The funny thing about me is if I make a to-do list for myself .. it grows normally throughout the day .. I tend to quit if I don't get the first item checked off in the first hour of being awake. Perhaps I should make "drinking coffee" my first item.
I love having a clean house, but man it's rough with the two kids I have and the ages they are. One and 4 are rough dirty ages. They get out a ton of stuff at once and even Kara still doesn't quite understand the concept of "put something away before getting something else out." Which, most days, drives me UP THE FREAKING WALL!! Phew, ok I feel better now.
The truth is I'm a list-making, task-oriented, goal-driven, slightly control freak. I do not function well in chaos (just ask Aaron) and I do not work well when I don't know what is expected. I'm an organization junkie that lives in organized chaos. Being busy is what I do best.
However, when I have too many things on my to-do list, I fail. I think the true test of success for me would be to revamp my to-do list. There was a time when I had to vacuum and sweep daily. Mason had a healthy appetite for floor crap. So it was slightly necessary.
Being a busy mom is natural. we all do it. Women simply are built for multi-tasking and engaging in multiple activities at one time. Our houses are not always spotless. Seriously, I'll hire a maid if I can afford it at some point in my life. I'm not lying. I love a clean house, I just cannot simply do it at the moment. My vacuum lines will always appear though.
But don't stress over the little things. It's okay if the fort from yesterday is still built in the front room when your mother-in-law stops over for a visit, unexpectedly. It might be slightly entertaining to have her crawl through. :) Then .. in that case .. leaving that mess was completely worth it.
One last note, you don't always have to take your shoes off when you come in my house. I'll grade the floor cleanliness quality on a day to day basis.
More Real Mom Moments:
After reading this chapter I came to the realization that I have some crazy expectations for myself. The funny thing about me is if I make a to-do list for myself .. it grows normally throughout the day .. I tend to quit if I don't get the first item checked off in the first hour of being awake. Perhaps I should make "drinking coffee" my first item.
I love having a clean house, but man it's rough with the two kids I have and the ages they are. One and 4 are rough dirty ages. They get out a ton of stuff at once and even Kara still doesn't quite understand the concept of "put something away before getting something else out." Which, most days, drives me UP THE FREAKING WALL!! Phew, ok I feel better now.
The truth is I'm a list-making, task-oriented, goal-driven, slightly control freak. I do not function well in chaos (just ask Aaron) and I do not work well when I don't know what is expected. I'm an organization junkie that lives in organized chaos. Being busy is what I do best.
However, when I have too many things on my to-do list, I fail. I think the true test of success for me would be to revamp my to-do list. There was a time when I had to vacuum and sweep daily. Mason had a healthy appetite for floor crap. So it was slightly necessary.
Being a busy mom is natural. we all do it. Women simply are built for multi-tasking and engaging in multiple activities at one time. Our houses are not always spotless. Seriously, I'll hire a maid if I can afford it at some point in my life. I'm not lying. I love a clean house, I just cannot simply do it at the moment. My vacuum lines will always appear though.
But don't stress over the little things. It's okay if the fort from yesterday is still built in the front room when your mother-in-law stops over for a visit, unexpectedly. It might be slightly entertaining to have her crawl through. :) Then .. in that case .. leaving that mess was completely worth it.
One last note, you don't always have to take your shoes off when you come in my house. I'll grade the floor cleanliness quality on a day to day basis.
More Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom doesn't vacuum everyday.
- A real mom uses plates when entertaining guests. But lots of times the family gets paper plates.
- A real mom knows the true meaning of "eat and run."
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
S.O.S. Mom: Real Moms Need Help
Help. Hey isn't that a 4-letter word? Help. Yes it is. Asking for help has never been something that I've been good at. I don't do it near enough and I don't allow others to ask. I guess the old saying of "Do unto others as you would want them to do to you" or something like that rings true here. I insist that friends and family call on me when they are in need of help, yet I do not pay them the same respect.
I'm not sure exactly why I stop short of asking for help until I'm out of my mind crazy. For instance, last summer Aaron began this internship that would take him away from home for 4 weeks. I was here with a newborn and pretty much no idea of people or their motives. I don't attach myself to people until I figure them out (HAHAHAHAHAH!) but either way I was going crazy with trying to figure out how I was going to do both mine and Aaron's jobs. I didn't have any family coming to visit during that time and I was new to the community.
I had an acquaintance offer some "help" as it were with watching my kids so I could have some time to get things done and caught up. It took several attempts from her for me to take her up on her offer. I finally gave in and took my children to her home for a couple hours. Wow that was the most helpful thing at the time! I was literally going crazy with all my to-dos and this person was sitting there slapping me in the face with a barbwire offer and I was refusing. WHAT!?!?!
The choice to give in and be vulnerable to one's offer of help is difficult. It opens you up to a whole new status in a relationship. Though now it seems minimal and absolutely silly that I would be so guarded to help, it was the best thing for my kids and me.
When asking for help, I expect that my family and friends will help and then in return ask for help. It's a circular event that is only positive in nature. Help's innocence builds character and friendship. Asking and receiving lead to giving and back to asking and receiving.
Being a mom is definitely not a one-mom game. I'm reminded of a saying that it takes a village to raise a child. But then I think it takes a child to build a mom. My children help (there's that word again) build my character, temperament, and life. I would NOT be the person I am today without my kids. They have taught me how to ask for help.
Asking for help doesn't have to be a chore. It is a risk though. It does open you up to a whole new array of opportunities. I guess in any choice we make, it will change the course of our lives. Something from the Disney show "Mulan" says something about a small pebble making a load of impact. Something as small as asking for help can make an immense amount of impact on someone. You never know when that someone you are asking for help simply may need that feeling of being needed at that moment. Perhaps a mom whose children are grown and in school is needing that nuzzle from a newborn or the excitement of a toddler. Simply asking her for help gives her that brief sense of being a young (yet knowledgeable) mother again.
Help .. a 4-letter word .. most definitely .. but the most powerful act we can do as moms.
More Real Mom Moments:
Peace be with you all!
I'm not sure exactly why I stop short of asking for help until I'm out of my mind crazy. For instance, last summer Aaron began this internship that would take him away from home for 4 weeks. I was here with a newborn and pretty much no idea of people or their motives. I don't attach myself to people until I figure them out (HAHAHAHAHAH!) but either way I was going crazy with trying to figure out how I was going to do both mine and Aaron's jobs. I didn't have any family coming to visit during that time and I was new to the community.
I had an acquaintance offer some "help" as it were with watching my kids so I could have some time to get things done and caught up. It took several attempts from her for me to take her up on her offer. I finally gave in and took my children to her home for a couple hours. Wow that was the most helpful thing at the time! I was literally going crazy with all my to-dos and this person was sitting there slapping me in the face with a barbwire offer and I was refusing. WHAT!?!?!
The choice to give in and be vulnerable to one's offer of help is difficult. It opens you up to a whole new status in a relationship. Though now it seems minimal and absolutely silly that I would be so guarded to help, it was the best thing for my kids and me.
When asking for help, I expect that my family and friends will help and then in return ask for help. It's a circular event that is only positive in nature. Help's innocence builds character and friendship. Asking and receiving lead to giving and back to asking and receiving.
Being a mom is definitely not a one-mom game. I'm reminded of a saying that it takes a village to raise a child. But then I think it takes a child to build a mom. My children help (there's that word again) build my character, temperament, and life. I would NOT be the person I am today without my kids. They have taught me how to ask for help.
Asking for help doesn't have to be a chore. It is a risk though. It does open you up to a whole new array of opportunities. I guess in any choice we make, it will change the course of our lives. Something from the Disney show "Mulan" says something about a small pebble making a load of impact. Something as small as asking for help can make an immense amount of impact on someone. You never know when that someone you are asking for help simply may need that feeling of being needed at that moment. Perhaps a mom whose children are grown and in school is needing that nuzzle from a newborn or the excitement of a toddler. Simply asking her for help gives her that brief sense of being a young (yet knowledgeable) mother again.
Help .. a 4-letter word .. most definitely .. but the most powerful act we can do as moms.
More Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom needs other real moms.
- A real mom asks her kids to pray for her when she's having a bad day.
- A real mom realizes that while she is given the privilege of raising her kids, she is also given a window to the opportunity of raising herself.
Peace be with you all!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Mommy Wars Mom: Real Moms Like Their Way Best
Have you ever just watched your friend(s) mother their children? Do you think about how they do it versus how you mother yours? Or do you think they are doing things wrong? Did it ever occur to you that different children need different styles of mothering?
I have successfully, and unfortunately, committed all of the above.
There were many times when Kara was younger that I would look at some of my friends and decide that I was going to be a better mom than they were. Only to realize later on that I wasn't their kids mom, I was Kara's. This made a significant difference in how I mothered her. And how I viewed my friends.
And then we moved to a new place. And wow were my eyes opened. See in Utah everyone is pretty much the same. It's a culture that is based upon self-competition, in my opinion, and I couldn't compete, nor did I want to. I've never been one to fall in line and do as the neighbor does. I'm not a mom that forces my daughter to wear matchy matchy clothes everyday (not that there's anything wrong with that), but it's just not me. I want her to find her inner person and be happy with who she is. I'm also not a mom that will raise my kids somewhere simply because that's where my family is. I love my family, but it's a quest for a quality life for me and my family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to raise your children around your family. I just was not happy with the location of my family. LOL! So I changed location.
When I look at my mom friends I have now, I think to myself two things "I should try that." OR "Note to self: DO NOT DO THAT!!!" LOL
I am more than willing to give out information that has helped me, but I'm also open to suggestion when I ask for it. Probably like all mothers, I don't want someone to come in and tell me my kids are rough. I wish all moms could remember that all children are different and so are their moms. We don't mother in the same way and what works for me may not work for the next person down the road. And what works for Jane may not work for me.
Motherhood is a constant state of survival and adaptation. It is impossible to have one book that is the "all knowing and successful guide to raising children." There isn't one. There are many books I have read that make suggestions to how to encourage better outcomes with my children, but the truth is my children are hardwired to do whatever it is that comes naturally to them. It is my duty and responsibility to encourage them to grow, learn, and succeed.
When I compare my experience to a friend, I'm doing myself more harm than good. I do not have her kids, spouse, living arrangements, financial situation, life experience. It's impossible for me to hand her a load of advice and KNOW that it will work. I cannot judge her for her abilities. I believe that for the most part moms are doing the best they can with what they have and know.
I have to remember to not judge those that may be struggling in parenthood. I'm so not perfect. I have no place to judge. God is perfect. He has the final say in our situation. He will be the One that decides whether or not we could've used some improvement. And again back to my original belief, people are perfectly placed in our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. There have been times where I have been around OUTSTANDING (in my opinion) moms. I mean they are just "perfect" and I take from them what I need to know and use it. And there are times where I'm doubting my abilities, circumstances and wonder if I'm doing a good job with my kids, and then God shows me a mom who's struggling to pay her bills, talk to her kids, or just can't stop using drugs.
God has the final judgment in my motherhood season. I will leave the guidance up to Him and not some tell all book.
Real Mom Moments:
I have successfully, and unfortunately, committed all of the above.
There were many times when Kara was younger that I would look at some of my friends and decide that I was going to be a better mom than they were. Only to realize later on that I wasn't their kids mom, I was Kara's. This made a significant difference in how I mothered her. And how I viewed my friends.
And then we moved to a new place. And wow were my eyes opened. See in Utah everyone is pretty much the same. It's a culture that is based upon self-competition, in my opinion, and I couldn't compete, nor did I want to. I've never been one to fall in line and do as the neighbor does. I'm not a mom that forces my daughter to wear matchy matchy clothes everyday (not that there's anything wrong with that), but it's just not me. I want her to find her inner person and be happy with who she is. I'm also not a mom that will raise my kids somewhere simply because that's where my family is. I love my family, but it's a quest for a quality life for me and my family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to raise your children around your family. I just was not happy with the location of my family. LOL! So I changed location.
When I look at my mom friends I have now, I think to myself two things "I should try that." OR "Note to self: DO NOT DO THAT!!!" LOL
I am more than willing to give out information that has helped me, but I'm also open to suggestion when I ask for it. Probably like all mothers, I don't want someone to come in and tell me my kids are rough. I wish all moms could remember that all children are different and so are their moms. We don't mother in the same way and what works for me may not work for the next person down the road. And what works for Jane may not work for me.
Motherhood is a constant state of survival and adaptation. It is impossible to have one book that is the "all knowing and successful guide to raising children." There isn't one. There are many books I have read that make suggestions to how to encourage better outcomes with my children, but the truth is my children are hardwired to do whatever it is that comes naturally to them. It is my duty and responsibility to encourage them to grow, learn, and succeed.
When I compare my experience to a friend, I'm doing myself more harm than good. I do not have her kids, spouse, living arrangements, financial situation, life experience. It's impossible for me to hand her a load of advice and KNOW that it will work. I cannot judge her for her abilities. I believe that for the most part moms are doing the best they can with what they have and know.
I have to remember to not judge those that may be struggling in parenthood. I'm so not perfect. I have no place to judge. God is perfect. He has the final say in our situation. He will be the One that decides whether or not we could've used some improvement. And again back to my original belief, people are perfectly placed in our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. There have been times where I have been around OUTSTANDING (in my opinion) moms. I mean they are just "perfect" and I take from them what I need to know and use it. And there are times where I'm doubting my abilities, circumstances and wonder if I'm doing a good job with my kids, and then God shows me a mom who's struggling to pay her bills, talk to her kids, or just can't stop using drugs.
God has the final judgment in my motherhood season. I will leave the guidance up to Him and not some tell all book.
Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom sometimes has to - or wants to - work outside the home.
- A real mom compares herself with her friends - and stops there.
- A real mom smiles at her little angels as she passes someone else's screaming brats in the grocery store - and knows she shouldn't.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Doin My Best Mom: Real Moms Aren't Perfect and Don't Have Perfect Children
Well except for me that is. ;) Just kidding. I've been putting off this post to ensure that I write just the right thing, a bit of the perfectionist in me. LOL! But in reality, what is perfection?
There are many different ways to describe and define perfection or the word perfect. It is my understanding that it means to do things flawlessly and without error. How in the world can I put this into my motherhood season?!? According to wikipedia and the origination of perfection it is this "The word "perfection" derives from the Latin "perfectio", and "perfect" — from "perfectus." These expressions in turn come from "perficio" — "to finish", "to bring to an end." "Perfectio(n)" thus literally means "a finishing", and "perfect(us)" — "finished", much as in grammatical parlance. ("perfect tense"). "
So if I'm applying perfection to motherhood in this sense it would be IMPOSSIBLE! Impossible because you are never "finished" when you become a mom. I will always be a mom. So why would I hold impossible standards of what society deems as perfection to myself as a mother? I do not know.
I love that I know and understand that where I fall short, God picks up the slack. I take my kids through life. I teach them all I know. I show them how and I will be there when they fall. But in all of these experiences, I will never be "perfect." The chapter states, "If we were actually able to accomplish perfection, why would we, or our kids, need God?" This simple reminder tells me that God is there no matter what. I can strive to be the best mother I can be for me and my kids. God shows me that I have the ability and power to mother my children.
There is never one "right" way to be a mom. So many of us compare our imperfections to our friends and family that "seem" to have it going the right direction. But when I think about how perfection means "finished" or "completed" I will not be perfect. And I refuse to be perfect because I do NOT want to be done being a mother.
I do tend to try to be a perfectionist, and when I fail, it doesn't feel good. But I know that when I do my best with my children, and see their smiling faces and help them succeed in things, I know I'm doing my best.
My house may not always be clean and my kids may not always be in matching clothes, but I'm doing my best.
Bible passage for thought: Proverbs 31
2 "O my son, O son of my womb,
O son of my vows, b]">[b]
3 do not spend your strength on women,
your vigor on those who ruin kings.
4 "It is not for kings, O Lemuel—
not for kings to drink wine,
not for rulers to crave beer,
5 lest they drink and forget what the law decrees,
and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.
6 Give beer to those who are perishing,
wine to those who are in anguish;
7 let them drink and forget their poverty
and remember their misery no more.
8 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
9 Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy."
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 c]">[c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Real Mom Moments:
There are many different ways to describe and define perfection or the word perfect. It is my understanding that it means to do things flawlessly and without error. How in the world can I put this into my motherhood season?!? According to wikipedia and the origination of perfection it is this "The word "perfection" derives from the Latin "perfectio", and "perfect" — from "perfectus." These expressions in turn come from "perficio" — "to finish", "to bring to an end." "Perfectio(n)" thus literally means "a finishing", and "perfect(us)" — "finished", much as in grammatical parlance. ("perfect tense"). "
So if I'm applying perfection to motherhood in this sense it would be IMPOSSIBLE! Impossible because you are never "finished" when you become a mom. I will always be a mom. So why would I hold impossible standards of what society deems as perfection to myself as a mother? I do not know.
I love that I know and understand that where I fall short, God picks up the slack. I take my kids through life. I teach them all I know. I show them how and I will be there when they fall. But in all of these experiences, I will never be "perfect." The chapter states, "If we were actually able to accomplish perfection, why would we, or our kids, need God?" This simple reminder tells me that God is there no matter what. I can strive to be the best mother I can be for me and my kids. God shows me that I have the ability and power to mother my children.
There is never one "right" way to be a mom. So many of us compare our imperfections to our friends and family that "seem" to have it going the right direction. But when I think about how perfection means "finished" or "completed" I will not be perfect. And I refuse to be perfect because I do NOT want to be done being a mother.
I do tend to try to be a perfectionist, and when I fail, it doesn't feel good. But I know that when I do my best with my children, and see their smiling faces and help them succeed in things, I know I'm doing my best.
My house may not always be clean and my kids may not always be in matching clothes, but I'm doing my best.
Bible passage for thought: Proverbs 31
Sayings of King Lemuel
1 The sayings of King Lemuel—an oracle a]">[a] his mother taught him:2 "O my son, O son of my womb,
O son of my vows, b]">[b]
3 do not spend your strength on women,
your vigor on those who ruin kings.
4 "It is not for kings, O Lemuel—
not for kings to drink wine,
not for rulers to crave beer,
5 lest they drink and forget what the law decrees,
and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.
6 Give beer to those who are perishing,
wine to those who are in anguish;
7 let them drink and forget their poverty
and remember their misery no more.
8 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
9 Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy."
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 c]">[c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom shoves all the dirty dishes in the oven when an unexpected friend arrives.
- A real mom makes mistakes on a daily basis but keeps on chugging along, trying to get better.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Viagra Mom:......................
Okay, so I have to recommend this chapter to everyone. It's hilarious. If you haven't figured out what it's about by the title of it let me post the full Chapter 6 title: Viagra Mom: Real Moms Aren't Always in the Mood for Sex. And I know that this is true as I'm a mom. :)
This chapter has so many funny excerpts. I will share a few. One part of the chapter discusses how sex changes after children. The chapter outlines 4 main reasons:
#4 You're distracted. Just when mom and dad are finally reaching the big moment, there comes a tug and small voice from the side of the bed in the darkness, "Daddy, can I have a ride next?" You only have to hear that true story once and it's tough to forget that you too might have an audience.
I don't know about you, but I'll be making sure I lock my bedroom door from now on. ;)
Another excerpt I'd like to share is about how the media portrays intimacy in marriages after children.
Media images make marriage with young children out to be one giant romp of making more young children.
It's definitely not easy to have the same intimacy after you have children. It's been my experience that it was easier when there was only one child to trap, versus two to worry about.
In a section discussing how to increase sexual intimacy it says, "Busy husbands and wives often struggle with time for making love. (Experts label some of these couples DINS- Dual Income, No Sex.)" I'm not a working mom, but I can see how the busy lives of couples can interfere with their intimacy.
The chapter also discusses our view on ourselves and our husbands. How do I nurture myself and take care of myself so that I can be sure to be there for my family's, and especially my husband's needs? Song of Soloman 5:16 says "This is my lover, this my friend." It is true that Aaron and I started as friends and it was then that I realized he was the one for me. Our intimacy started long before we started ummm .. ya know!! LOL!
One more excerpt, "The experience of sex is vital to the fullness of what marriage was intended to be." Intimate, private, one on one (no pun intended), togetherness. All of this is acquired during this intimate activity. This is the experience that shows a commitment to one person, your spouse.
But ever since children, yes our lives have changed. How do we make time, find the energy, and the desire to be together? It's not always a challenge. It depends on our days, weeks, children.
I'm not going to answer the questions. But I'll post them for you to consider when thinking about how children have changed your sex lives in your marriage.
1) What is your favorite thing about sexual intimacy with your husband? How can you build on this to improve your overall relationship?
2) In what area do you most fear you are not normal sexually? How can you find out if this area is a real problem and get help for yourself?
3) In what ways have children changed your intimacy? Have you talked with your husband about these changes? How and when could you discuss theses changes with him?
4) Taking care of yourself increases your sexual appetite. How are you taking care of yourself? How could you improve?
5) Song of Songs in the Bible talks about "my lover, my friend." How do you invest in your husband as your friend? As your lover? How is your relationship growing in both of these areas?
More Real Mom Moments:
This chapter has so many funny excerpts. I will share a few. One part of the chapter discusses how sex changes after children. The chapter outlines 4 main reasons:
#4 You're distracted. Just when mom and dad are finally reaching the big moment, there comes a tug and small voice from the side of the bed in the darkness, "Daddy, can I have a ride next?" You only have to hear that true story once and it's tough to forget that you too might have an audience.
I don't know about you, but I'll be making sure I lock my bedroom door from now on. ;)
Another excerpt I'd like to share is about how the media portrays intimacy in marriages after children.
Media images make marriage with young children out to be one giant romp of making more young children.
It's definitely not easy to have the same intimacy after you have children. It's been my experience that it was easier when there was only one child to trap, versus two to worry about.
In a section discussing how to increase sexual intimacy it says, "Busy husbands and wives often struggle with time for making love. (Experts label some of these couples DINS- Dual Income, No Sex.)" I'm not a working mom, but I can see how the busy lives of couples can interfere with their intimacy.
The chapter also discusses our view on ourselves and our husbands. How do I nurture myself and take care of myself so that I can be sure to be there for my family's, and especially my husband's needs? Song of Soloman 5:16 says "This is my lover, this my friend." It is true that Aaron and I started as friends and it was then that I realized he was the one for me. Our intimacy started long before we started ummm .. ya know!! LOL!
One more excerpt, "The experience of sex is vital to the fullness of what marriage was intended to be." Intimate, private, one on one (no pun intended), togetherness. All of this is acquired during this intimate activity. This is the experience that shows a commitment to one person, your spouse.
But ever since children, yes our lives have changed. How do we make time, find the energy, and the desire to be together? It's not always a challenge. It depends on our days, weeks, children.
I'm not going to answer the questions. But I'll post them for you to consider when thinking about how children have changed your sex lives in your marriage.
1) What is your favorite thing about sexual intimacy with your husband? How can you build on this to improve your overall relationship?
2) In what area do you most fear you are not normal sexually? How can you find out if this area is a real problem and get help for yourself?
3) In what ways have children changed your intimacy? Have you talked with your husband about these changes? How and when could you discuss theses changes with him?
4) Taking care of yourself increases your sexual appetite. How are you taking care of yourself? How could you improve?
5) Song of Songs in the Bible talks about "my lover, my friend." How do you invest in your husband as your friend? As your lover? How is your relationship growing in both of these areas?
More Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom gets a pedicure so she can use her toes in all new ways.
- A real mom does Kiegel exercises at stoplights.
- A real mom gets crazy once in a while.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Lookin' Good Enough Mom: Real Moms Struggle with Their Looks
I have delayed this blog ALL day. For many reasons I'm not ready to put out there on the Internet. So for this post I will stick to the Reality Check questions.
Chapter 4 covers how mom's view their physical appearance and the false sense of reality that all women have of what beauty is.
1) Hal Boyle writes, "Your body is far more intricate than the federal highway system. Inside you are some 100,000 miles of nerve fibers along which message zip at speeds of 300 miles per hour." How does this quote help you respect your body?
I know that there are amazing things going on in my body right now just so I can type this blog. Connections are being made in my brain to form words right as another connection is being sent to my eyes to look at the computer screen and also to my fingers that have been trained on the keyboard. My fingers are operating at will and know their way around the keyboard. When I take a walk thousands of connections are being made to watch what I'm doing, move my legs, hold my balance, alternate legs while walking.
Respecting the internal functions of my body is so easy for me. My biggest fear is those connections stopping. I am working everyday putting healthy products into my body to encourage healthy connections, exercising as often as I can to encourage the practice of those connections, using my brain to read, write, and think.
The idea that so many nerves are being used in my body is amazing. Respect for the functionality of the human body comes easy to me. It's just an amazing organism.
2) "How you look reflects who you are." What does this statement mean to you? Is who you are on the inside reflected in how you look on the outside? Explain.
That statement means to me what I have accepted as reality my whole life. If I look healthy, put together, and happy it sends a message to everyone that I am put together, healthy, and happy. It can fool anyone. I think for the most part my inner person is shown on the outside. I don't know how to explain this.
3) What area of your body do you have the hardest time "loving"? How can you help yourself change this response?
I have a hard time loving the all the junk in my trunk. LOL! Buying pants has always been a joke and it's only gotten harder as I've gotten older because the styles of changed. Pants are still the same size but they are smaller in style. I'm sorry but if I were to buy a pair of pants that are in style now half my crack would show and I don't get paid plumber rates to put on a show.
The only way that I think I'll be loving the junk is if junk in the trunk pants became a style. :)
4) How can you "maximize" your appearance?
I have NO idea. I do what I can everyday to make myself appear clean (by showering and wearing clean clothes), put together (mostly matching clothes), and awake (makeup does wonders). I guess giving myself positive affirmations would be a great way to start. Having a positive outlook on my personal appearance could also help.
5) The Bible tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. How do you live out that truth?
Oh if only walls could talk. ;)
No really I just eat healthy things, I try to only entertain positive energy in my life. I am there for my family and friends. I pray. I exercise. It's amazing what an effect energy from people can have on your body.
This blog was short because I'm not comfortable discussing my physical appearance.
More Real Mom Moments:
Chapter 4 covers how mom's view their physical appearance and the false sense of reality that all women have of what beauty is.
1) Hal Boyle writes, "Your body is far more intricate than the federal highway system. Inside you are some 100,000 miles of nerve fibers along which message zip at speeds of 300 miles per hour." How does this quote help you respect your body?
I know that there are amazing things going on in my body right now just so I can type this blog. Connections are being made in my brain to form words right as another connection is being sent to my eyes to look at the computer screen and also to my fingers that have been trained on the keyboard. My fingers are operating at will and know their way around the keyboard. When I take a walk thousands of connections are being made to watch what I'm doing, move my legs, hold my balance, alternate legs while walking.
Respecting the internal functions of my body is so easy for me. My biggest fear is those connections stopping. I am working everyday putting healthy products into my body to encourage healthy connections, exercising as often as I can to encourage the practice of those connections, using my brain to read, write, and think.
The idea that so many nerves are being used in my body is amazing. Respect for the functionality of the human body comes easy to me. It's just an amazing organism.
2) "How you look reflects who you are." What does this statement mean to you? Is who you are on the inside reflected in how you look on the outside? Explain.
That statement means to me what I have accepted as reality my whole life. If I look healthy, put together, and happy it sends a message to everyone that I am put together, healthy, and happy. It can fool anyone. I think for the most part my inner person is shown on the outside. I don't know how to explain this.
3) What area of your body do you have the hardest time "loving"? How can you help yourself change this response?
I have a hard time loving the all the junk in my trunk. LOL! Buying pants has always been a joke and it's only gotten harder as I've gotten older because the styles of changed. Pants are still the same size but they are smaller in style. I'm sorry but if I were to buy a pair of pants that are in style now half my crack would show and I don't get paid plumber rates to put on a show.
The only way that I think I'll be loving the junk is if junk in the trunk pants became a style. :)
4) How can you "maximize" your appearance?
I have NO idea. I do what I can everyday to make myself appear clean (by showering and wearing clean clothes), put together (mostly matching clothes), and awake (makeup does wonders). I guess giving myself positive affirmations would be a great way to start. Having a positive outlook on my personal appearance could also help.
5) The Bible tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. How do you live out that truth?
Oh if only walls could talk. ;)
No really I just eat healthy things, I try to only entertain positive energy in my life. I am there for my family and friends. I pray. I exercise. It's amazing what an effect energy from people can have on your body.
This blog was short because I'm not comfortable discussing my physical appearance.
More Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom counts chasing a toddler around the house as exercise.
- A real mom considers her bathrobe a fashion accessory.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Please Everyone Mom: Real Moms Can't Fix Everyone and Everything
Okay, so I think I've prefaced this blog with my very first blog when I identified myself as a pleaser. It really is who I am. Though I may not vocalize that I'm taking on issues from others, I do. It becomes part of me. I feel for people. I want to fix things. I have a magnet on my body for broken people. I can't help it. I love to feel needed. It doesn't stop with my friends. I extends to my family.
There have been many times when I've wanted to "fix" things for my family members. It really wears me down emotionally and mentally. But I still continue to do it. I love that my family knows they can call on me when they need to talk or need advice. When it comes to my kids I am the same way. I want to fix the hurts, owies, and bumps and bruises. When Aaron is frustrated I want to fix it. When he's not happy (doesn't mean it's our life) I want to change whatever I can to fix it. This is who I am. But when I'm needing fixing, I don't. Until now. (not that I'm broken)
Chapter 4 discusses pleasing everyone. Fixing everyone and everything is what moms attempt to do. It drains us and when we don't fill our cup back up, we start running on negative fix-its, which then cause resentment toward our family. It can cause issues in an otherwise healthy marriage, depression, sadness, hurt. We try to fix unhappy kids, sick kids, unhappy spouses, and broken friends. The only person we should fix is ourselves, then everything around us will change.
When you refer to the Bible it specifically tells us to not take on others issues. Galations 6:4-5 it says "Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load."
As moms we always take on everything around us. It just happens. But in reality the only issues we should take on as a personal force is our own load. When we take on other's loads we begin to feel as they are, see things as they do, and possibly act as they do. But what about me? Where do I fit in this person's life that I'm taking on their issues for? Where does my time fit in? How come they need me and I'm there? Resentment sets in.
My children won't be young forever. For now their issues are my issues for them. It is my responsibility to help them process anger, sadness, hurt and frustration at their level. But it also my responsibility to let them figure a lot out and learn how to process it on their own. I can't fix their problems, friendships or frustrations. But I can teach them how to respond. There will come a day when Kara's friend says something mean. I can't legally go beat up another child. :) But I can help her process it in a non-threatening manner to her and her friend. There might come a day when Mason's buddy decides to date the girl he's been secretly crushing on, I can't go slash that kid's tires. But I can help Mason process the hurt he feels.
Learning when to draw a line is hard for me with people. I feel so deeply connected to people that even a stranger's burden becomes my own. This "fix-it" mentality takes a large book of checks and balances for me. I have to stop and think, "Am I doing Okay before I attempt help this person?" And then I have to find the stopping point. It's a bit of a work in progress.
Do you take on more than you can handle? Do you make other peoples' problems your own?
More Real Mom moments:
There have been many times when I've wanted to "fix" things for my family members. It really wears me down emotionally and mentally. But I still continue to do it. I love that my family knows they can call on me when they need to talk or need advice. When it comes to my kids I am the same way. I want to fix the hurts, owies, and bumps and bruises. When Aaron is frustrated I want to fix it. When he's not happy (doesn't mean it's our life) I want to change whatever I can to fix it. This is who I am. But when I'm needing fixing, I don't. Until now. (not that I'm broken)
Chapter 4 discusses pleasing everyone. Fixing everyone and everything is what moms attempt to do. It drains us and when we don't fill our cup back up, we start running on negative fix-its, which then cause resentment toward our family. It can cause issues in an otherwise healthy marriage, depression, sadness, hurt. We try to fix unhappy kids, sick kids, unhappy spouses, and broken friends. The only person we should fix is ourselves, then everything around us will change.
When you refer to the Bible it specifically tells us to not take on others issues. Galations 6:4-5 it says "Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load."
As moms we always take on everything around us. It just happens. But in reality the only issues we should take on as a personal force is our own load. When we take on other's loads we begin to feel as they are, see things as they do, and possibly act as they do. But what about me? Where do I fit in this person's life that I'm taking on their issues for? Where does my time fit in? How come they need me and I'm there? Resentment sets in.
My children won't be young forever. For now their issues are my issues for them. It is my responsibility to help them process anger, sadness, hurt and frustration at their level. But it also my responsibility to let them figure a lot out and learn how to process it on their own. I can't fix their problems, friendships or frustrations. But I can teach them how to respond. There will come a day when Kara's friend says something mean. I can't legally go beat up another child. :) But I can help her process it in a non-threatening manner to her and her friend. There might come a day when Mason's buddy decides to date the girl he's been secretly crushing on, I can't go slash that kid's tires. But I can help Mason process the hurt he feels.
Learning when to draw a line is hard for me with people. I feel so deeply connected to people that even a stranger's burden becomes my own. This "fix-it" mentality takes a large book of checks and balances for me. I have to stop and think, "Am I doing Okay before I attempt help this person?" And then I have to find the stopping point. It's a bit of a work in progress.
Do you take on more than you can handle? Do you make other peoples' problems your own?
More Real Mom moments:
- A real mom puts her hands out to catch her child's unexpected vomit but misses most of it.
- A real mom knows she's doing something right when her child says, "You're the worst mother in the world!"
Monday, June 7, 2010
Monster Mom: Real Moms Get Angry
I'm going to begin this blog with a quote that starts this chapter out.
"One of the worst things about being a parent, for me, is the self-discovery, the being face to face with one's secret insanity and brokenness and rage." Anne Lamott
Chapter 3 is about the anger that mom's feel. Describing anger as a secondary issue usually follows hurt, sadness, or frustration. While at times a sudden brash of anger can come over us at any moment, as a mom I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I lose my temper. Finding out what triggers my moments of anger has never been something I'm good at.
I have been really good at suppressing irritation, frustration or sadness. It's something I think I've perfected. But then my bottle is full, one little thing like, um, stepping on a crayon on the floor would set me off. I've gotten to the point now where I release my issues in a positive manner with exercise or that good old scream into the pillow technique. A good scream never hurt anybody, just the pillow. ;)
When I think about the moments where I just get mad, I get embarrassed for myself. The most recent snap was just this morning, I'm not proud to say. I was getting things ready for gymnastics. My plan: Feed Kara lunch and put Mason's lunch in a container so he would have something to do while she was in gymnastics. So then when she was done eating her lunch I would go get Mason up from his nap, throw both kids in the car and get to gymnastics 5 minutes early to put Mason in the stroller, grab my snack pack for him, get her in there early because I've moved her to a different class so that the time doesn't conflict with her swimming lessons. And get situated in the perfect spot to feed Mason. That was my plan.
Didn't happen! Nope, Kara decided that it was time for Mason to get up. My PLAN was out the window. If you don't know this already, I live my life based on my plans. I don't adjust well to quick changes. I got mad. "WHY DID YOU GO IN HIS ROOM!?!?!" I yell from the kitchen as I hear him scream because she's in there waking him up! I was mad! I was furious that she went around my plan and change it. Of course I hadn't told her to NOT go wake him up. But I just assumed she KNEW to stay out of his room. It was just a said thing. But she wanted him to eat lunch before we went to gymnastics. It was only fair they both eat. I stormed up the stairs and said, as if she understood this, "Now my plans are messed up." Do you have moments like this?!?!
So, like most moms, thinking on my feet and in the moment and responding like that is what we are good at. Of course I still fed both kids, we were late for gymnastics, I didn't get perfect seats, and Mason was agitated halfway through. But in the end, what was I angry about? That was what this chapter talked about. Figuring out exactly what I was angry about. I wasn't really angry at Kara for waking up Mason. Of course that did wrench my plans a bit. But the real reason I was frustrated was because I decided to not get up at 6 a.m. like I normally do when Aaron is gone for "ME TIME." It has to be that early. Otherwise I don't get it. It's my sanity time.
Getting mad is natural. I shouldn't be ashamed of this. And while I know there are times where it's over the top, I need to remember that I love my children. The things they do may make me angry in that moment, but in reality it's just a drop in the bucket. Memories are more important with positive productive responses, than with anger.
How do you respond to your kids when you are beyond the top frustrated?
More Real Mom Moments:
"One of the worst things about being a parent, for me, is the self-discovery, the being face to face with one's secret insanity and brokenness and rage." Anne Lamott
Chapter 3 is about the anger that mom's feel. Describing anger as a secondary issue usually follows hurt, sadness, or frustration. While at times a sudden brash of anger can come over us at any moment, as a mom I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I lose my temper. Finding out what triggers my moments of anger has never been something I'm good at.
I have been really good at suppressing irritation, frustration or sadness. It's something I think I've perfected. But then my bottle is full, one little thing like, um, stepping on a crayon on the floor would set me off. I've gotten to the point now where I release my issues in a positive manner with exercise or that good old scream into the pillow technique. A good scream never hurt anybody, just the pillow. ;)
When I think about the moments where I just get mad, I get embarrassed for myself. The most recent snap was just this morning, I'm not proud to say. I was getting things ready for gymnastics. My plan: Feed Kara lunch and put Mason's lunch in a container so he would have something to do while she was in gymnastics. So then when she was done eating her lunch I would go get Mason up from his nap, throw both kids in the car and get to gymnastics 5 minutes early to put Mason in the stroller, grab my snack pack for him, get her in there early because I've moved her to a different class so that the time doesn't conflict with her swimming lessons. And get situated in the perfect spot to feed Mason. That was my plan.
Didn't happen! Nope, Kara decided that it was time for Mason to get up. My PLAN was out the window. If you don't know this already, I live my life based on my plans. I don't adjust well to quick changes. I got mad. "WHY DID YOU GO IN HIS ROOM!?!?!" I yell from the kitchen as I hear him scream because she's in there waking him up! I was mad! I was furious that she went around my plan and change it. Of course I hadn't told her to NOT go wake him up. But I just assumed she KNEW to stay out of his room. It was just a said thing. But she wanted him to eat lunch before we went to gymnastics. It was only fair they both eat. I stormed up the stairs and said, as if she understood this, "Now my plans are messed up." Do you have moments like this?!?!
So, like most moms, thinking on my feet and in the moment and responding like that is what we are good at. Of course I still fed both kids, we were late for gymnastics, I didn't get perfect seats, and Mason was agitated halfway through. But in the end, what was I angry about? That was what this chapter talked about. Figuring out exactly what I was angry about. I wasn't really angry at Kara for waking up Mason. Of course that did wrench my plans a bit. But the real reason I was frustrated was because I decided to not get up at 6 a.m. like I normally do when Aaron is gone for "ME TIME." It has to be that early. Otherwise I don't get it. It's my sanity time.
Getting mad is natural. I shouldn't be ashamed of this. And while I know there are times where it's over the top, I need to remember that I love my children. The things they do may make me angry in that moment, but in reality it's just a drop in the bucket. Memories are more important with positive productive responses, than with anger.
How do you respond to your kids when you are beyond the top frustrated?
More Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom cries over spilled milk.
- A real mom sometimes has bad days (or weeks).
- A real mom says to her kids, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?"
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Perma-Guilt Mom
There are many times when I have the most strong desires to get out by myself and enjoy the company of friends, with and without my dear hubby. But then while I'm out, I have this filling guilt of not being home with my kids. Expecting someone else to "mother" them, take care of them, hold them if they cry, feed them if they are hungry, cuddle them if they are tired, oh this list could go on and on. Chapter 2: Perma-Guild Mom: Real Moms Feel Guilty really put this into perspective for me.
The more I read, the more normal I feel, which leads to less guilt for feeling guilty. LOL!! The chapter discusses that in essence society puts this imprint on our brains as moms that if we don't feel completely and 100% responsible for our children's entire world (a mom myth) we aren't good moms. HOGWASH!!! LOL! Even though I definitely feel responsible for my children's lives right now, there will come a day when they will be the ones making their own decisions. My feeling of responsibility starts in the home, raising them with morals, foods I deem worthy of my kids' bodies, support in their actions, discipline for the behaviors that are simply unacceptable. I could go on and on about what goes on during our parenting season right now.
Back to guilt, as a mom, I naturally feel guilty when they get hurt .. why wasn't I watching right at that second? .. I am such a protector. I will walk into a room, house, park, whatever, and see all the dangers, and prevent, with almost a 100% accuracy rating, any injury to my children. So when they do get hurt, I feel an immense amount of guilt. But I'm normal. The problem with entertaining this guilt is that it's guilt over circumstances that most likely were out of my control.
My children are getting older. There will come a day where they are going to be going to a friend's house without me and I may or may not know the parents, the siblings, the grandparents, friends, and extended relatives of said friend. Yes this goes through my mind. There will come a time when my children will start driving a car .. not even going to attempt this one right now. If I'm that paranoid about a friend, just imagine what goes through my head about them driving. So the guilt I feel now is future guilt. Makes no sense.
Turning worries and guilt over to the Lord is such a hard thing to do for most anybody. Worry comes so naturally to me. Letting go of situations for God to handle on my behalf is beyond rough for me. I have a hard time believing that anyone could handle things better with my children than I can. But then I'm reminded of God's everlasting love and concern for the well-being of not only me, but my children as well. God gave me the children he knew I could handle, though at times I wonder about His decision. ;) I know that for my strength as a mother I have Him, friends, family, and close confidants for help. He has purposely picked those in my life to help me in specific times of need.
I'm a strong believer in the "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." My experience right now in mothering young children is one season of mothering. I have many ahead and many behind. My guilt as a mother will change as I get older, my children get older, and my life matures. Processing my guilt is the task that I am learning to process.
Because this is already so long and I've pretty much covered the Reality Check questions, I'm not going to post them.
Here are more real mom moments:
The more I read, the more normal I feel, which leads to less guilt for feeling guilty. LOL!! The chapter discusses that in essence society puts this imprint on our brains as moms that if we don't feel completely and 100% responsible for our children's entire world (a mom myth) we aren't good moms. HOGWASH!!! LOL! Even though I definitely feel responsible for my children's lives right now, there will come a day when they will be the ones making their own decisions. My feeling of responsibility starts in the home, raising them with morals, foods I deem worthy of my kids' bodies, support in their actions, discipline for the behaviors that are simply unacceptable. I could go on and on about what goes on during our parenting season right now.
Back to guilt, as a mom, I naturally feel guilty when they get hurt .. why wasn't I watching right at that second? .. I am such a protector. I will walk into a room, house, park, whatever, and see all the dangers, and prevent, with almost a 100% accuracy rating, any injury to my children. So when they do get hurt, I feel an immense amount of guilt. But I'm normal. The problem with entertaining this guilt is that it's guilt over circumstances that most likely were out of my control.
My children are getting older. There will come a day where they are going to be going to a friend's house without me and I may or may not know the parents, the siblings, the grandparents, friends, and extended relatives of said friend. Yes this goes through my mind. There will come a time when my children will start driving a car .. not even going to attempt this one right now. If I'm that paranoid about a friend, just imagine what goes through my head about them driving. So the guilt I feel now is future guilt. Makes no sense.
Turning worries and guilt over to the Lord is such a hard thing to do for most anybody. Worry comes so naturally to me. Letting go of situations for God to handle on my behalf is beyond rough for me. I have a hard time believing that anyone could handle things better with my children than I can. But then I'm reminded of God's everlasting love and concern for the well-being of not only me, but my children as well. God gave me the children he knew I could handle, though at times I wonder about His decision. ;) I know that for my strength as a mother I have Him, friends, family, and close confidants for help. He has purposely picked those in my life to help me in specific times of need.
I'm a strong believer in the "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." My experience right now in mothering young children is one season of mothering. I have many ahead and many behind. My guilt as a mother will change as I get older, my children get older, and my life matures. Processing my guilt is the task that I am learning to process.
Because this is already so long and I've pretty much covered the Reality Check questions, I'm not going to post them.
Here are more real mom moments:
- A real mom answers the phone sounding like she's out of breath when her husband calls from work.
- A real mom can do many jobs at once but never feels she is doing a satisfactory job at any one of them.
- A real mom can acknowledge her mistakes with her children, husband, and herself and then take steps to work on making the family work better
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Real Me Mom
I've recently found a book I collected from MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) in Eagle River, AK. I'm not sure what year this book is from, but I have thoroughly enjoyed the first part of this book, and will be bringing anyone who wants to follow this blog on my journey to finding the Real Me Mom.
I'm not usually one that subscribes to motherhood myths. Granted I had a pretty swell mom growing up. But I know there are many things I feel like I'm failing on if I don't achieve them. I've never been a crafty person. Anyone who has tried to do crafts with me or watched me attempt them will agree with my dear hubby in his diagnosis of Arts and Crafts ADD. I also get mad, sad, depressed and lost.
My read for this journey is called: "real MOMS: Exploding the Myths of MOTHERHOOD" by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall.
There is one excerpt that I will pull from Chapter 1: Real Me Mom: Real Moms Know and Accept Who They Are before I proceed to answering the Reality Check questions.
From pg. 32-33:
"I have this theory. There are three kinds of women. There's the woman who has always known (like, from birth) that she has wanted to be a mother, and she is fantastic at it, thriving in this role. (In face, for her, it's not a role; it is who she is to the core.) On the other end of the spectrum is the woman who (also, almost from birth) has always known that she did not want to be a mother, and she finds her womanly fulfillment in a myriad of other ways throughout her life. Then there's the other one in the middle somewhere, the one who wants to be a mom but is the kind that does not automatically love all children. (She loves hers completely and cares infinitely for the children of her friends and extended family, but that's about the extent of it.) For her, mothering is amazing but is not necessarily the defining factor in her life."
This little excerpt is so fitting to me. I am a middle woman. I have my dreams and desires, but love my kids to the core. The writer goes on to say that God could've chosen a childless life for her, but He didn't. And that He will be there with her along her journey the whole way all the way to her achieving her goals. Again .. this completely applies to me.
Now to the Reality Check. Just a note: I will be candidly honest in my answers. Please do not judge me. I am a mother, the best I can be, to my children and I'm aspiring to be a better one. I hope that my journey will inspire someone to find the Real Mom inside of someone.
1) John Calvin once said, "There are only two things you must know -- God, and yourself." Which do you know better? How can you get to know the other better?
I am confident that I know God better. When I became a mother, I wasn't prepared. (As if any of us truly are.) But I literally was not planning for children for a few more years. The birth of my daughter was probably the most defining moment in my life. It became clear to me that anything I thought I was or was going to be or do was going to change. I was no longer me in a sense. However, my comprehension of God, His role in my life, and His desire for all of our lives, has always been strong and complete. Though I have faltered away from it at times, knowing that I can come back to my truth has been a great net that has caught me time and time again.
I really have know idea how to get to know myself better. It will take time, effort, and work, all of which are scary and consuming. But in the end my children and husband will benefit, and best of all, I will benefit.
2) In "The Real Me" story, the author, Elisabeth K. Corcoran, describes three kinds of moms and is really honest about which one she is. How does this make you feel? If you are really honest, which type of mom are you?
The story made me realize that I'm not alone. I was in shock when I found out I was pregnant with Kara. I was sad that all my 'dreams' were about to change and I was uncertain about my future. The story was so close to what I felt, that it made me evaluate even deeper the type of mother I am. I am for sure the middle of the roader mom. I have my dreams and my aspirations, but I love being a mom and I know, in time, all my dreams and aspirations will come true. Patience.
3) Describe some of the layers that make up the outside you. If you are what you have experienced in life, describe who you are today.
The outside me is a pleaser. I long to please everyone. I'm a bit of a chameleon. I've always had a strong desire to fit in with whoever I'm around. It's hard putting that in writing, because being honest with who I am and who I portray isn't the same. This will come as a bit of a shock to most, if not all, of my friends. Whether it's the comedian me, the emotional me, the dramatic me, or the angry me. I'm intuitive to personalities and what behaviors are expected. I've always been a pleaser, and have done what was expected rather than what I would like to do. In life, no matter who I have been around or what circumstances have influenced me, I've always responded in a manner that I know would be acceptable in the masses.
4) Describe who you are on the most inside part of your soul. How well do you accept who you are on the inside? Explain.
This will be difficult to answer for me. But I will do my best. Inside, I'm emotional, I attach easily to people, I relate to others, I can read characters, I love deeply, I hate deeply (SOOO not proud of this), I love easily, I hate easily (again, another moment I'm not proud of), I need everyone and want to be needed, I'm impatient. I think that should do it. I don't accept me on the inside because I feel crazy. LOL! If I'm being honest, I feel easily betrayed. I'm afraid of showing anyone when I'm vulnerable. I simply don't accept myself on the inside, so I give a different persona for the outside.
In closing of this most eye opening personal experience, I want to leave you with a few "Real Mom" Moments:
I'm not usually one that subscribes to motherhood myths. Granted I had a pretty swell mom growing up. But I know there are many things I feel like I'm failing on if I don't achieve them. I've never been a crafty person. Anyone who has tried to do crafts with me or watched me attempt them will agree with my dear hubby in his diagnosis of Arts and Crafts ADD. I also get mad, sad, depressed and lost.
My read for this journey is called: "real MOMS: Exploding the Myths of MOTHERHOOD" by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall.
There is one excerpt that I will pull from Chapter 1: Real Me Mom: Real Moms Know and Accept Who They Are before I proceed to answering the Reality Check questions.
From pg. 32-33:
"I have this theory. There are three kinds of women. There's the woman who has always known (like, from birth) that she has wanted to be a mother, and she is fantastic at it, thriving in this role. (In face, for her, it's not a role; it is who she is to the core.) On the other end of the spectrum is the woman who (also, almost from birth) has always known that she did not want to be a mother, and she finds her womanly fulfillment in a myriad of other ways throughout her life. Then there's the other one in the middle somewhere, the one who wants to be a mom but is the kind that does not automatically love all children. (She loves hers completely and cares infinitely for the children of her friends and extended family, but that's about the extent of it.) For her, mothering is amazing but is not necessarily the defining factor in her life."
This little excerpt is so fitting to me. I am a middle woman. I have my dreams and desires, but love my kids to the core. The writer goes on to say that God could've chosen a childless life for her, but He didn't. And that He will be there with her along her journey the whole way all the way to her achieving her goals. Again .. this completely applies to me.
Now to the Reality Check. Just a note: I will be candidly honest in my answers. Please do not judge me. I am a mother, the best I can be, to my children and I'm aspiring to be a better one. I hope that my journey will inspire someone to find the Real Mom inside of someone.
1) John Calvin once said, "There are only two things you must know -- God, and yourself." Which do you know better? How can you get to know the other better?
I am confident that I know God better. When I became a mother, I wasn't prepared. (As if any of us truly are.) But I literally was not planning for children for a few more years. The birth of my daughter was probably the most defining moment in my life. It became clear to me that anything I thought I was or was going to be or do was going to change. I was no longer me in a sense. However, my comprehension of God, His role in my life, and His desire for all of our lives, has always been strong and complete. Though I have faltered away from it at times, knowing that I can come back to my truth has been a great net that has caught me time and time again.
I really have know idea how to get to know myself better. It will take time, effort, and work, all of which are scary and consuming. But in the end my children and husband will benefit, and best of all, I will benefit.
2) In "The Real Me" story, the author, Elisabeth K. Corcoran, describes three kinds of moms and is really honest about which one she is. How does this make you feel? If you are really honest, which type of mom are you?
The story made me realize that I'm not alone. I was in shock when I found out I was pregnant with Kara. I was sad that all my 'dreams' were about to change and I was uncertain about my future. The story was so close to what I felt, that it made me evaluate even deeper the type of mother I am. I am for sure the middle of the roader mom. I have my dreams and my aspirations, but I love being a mom and I know, in time, all my dreams and aspirations will come true. Patience.
3) Describe some of the layers that make up the outside you. If you are what you have experienced in life, describe who you are today.
The outside me is a pleaser. I long to please everyone. I'm a bit of a chameleon. I've always had a strong desire to fit in with whoever I'm around. It's hard putting that in writing, because being honest with who I am and who I portray isn't the same. This will come as a bit of a shock to most, if not all, of my friends. Whether it's the comedian me, the emotional me, the dramatic me, or the angry me. I'm intuitive to personalities and what behaviors are expected. I've always been a pleaser, and have done what was expected rather than what I would like to do. In life, no matter who I have been around or what circumstances have influenced me, I've always responded in a manner that I know would be acceptable in the masses.
4) Describe who you are on the most inside part of your soul. How well do you accept who you are on the inside? Explain.
This will be difficult to answer for me. But I will do my best. Inside, I'm emotional, I attach easily to people, I relate to others, I can read characters, I love deeply, I hate deeply (SOOO not proud of this), I love easily, I hate easily (again, another moment I'm not proud of), I need everyone and want to be needed, I'm impatient. I think that should do it. I don't accept me on the inside because I feel crazy. LOL! If I'm being honest, I feel easily betrayed. I'm afraid of showing anyone when I'm vulnerable. I simply don't accept myself on the inside, so I give a different persona for the outside.
In closing of this most eye opening personal experience, I want to leave you with a few "Real Mom" Moments:
- A real mom goes potty with an audience.
- A real mom uses baby wipes to clean more than dirty bottoms.
- A real mom drives her kids to school in her pajamas.
- A real mom picks up the pacifier that has fallen on the grocery floor, licks it off, and gives it back to her fussy toddler.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Gumdrops and Lollipops
What is this all about? Life? As I watch my kids grow and play, and become little people of their own, the answer becomes clear. Gumdrops and lollipops is what it's all about. That little bit of extreme happiness that hits you the moment you are about to pop that gumdrop into your mouth. The fine feeling of unwrapping that brand new lollipop you so carefully picked out from the pile or bag.
I get this excitement when I watch my kids trying to learn new things and master new skills. Recently, Aaron and I have taken on the trial of teaching Kara how to ride her bike without training wheels. This is no easy feat. Teaching a child to not be scared of falling is a lot like trying to convince someone a fork in the eye really is comforting.
Teaching her how to ride her bike without these crutches on the side is rather difficult and so we are taking an approach of practice makes perfect. The bad news is, she can't ride it yet and is refusing to have the training wheels put back on!
So the saga of watching her learn a new skill is daunting and exciting. And when she masters it, it will be that feeling of gumdrops and lollipops!
I get this excitement when I watch my kids trying to learn new things and master new skills. Recently, Aaron and I have taken on the trial of teaching Kara how to ride her bike without training wheels. This is no easy feat. Teaching a child to not be scared of falling is a lot like trying to convince someone a fork in the eye really is comforting.
Teaching her how to ride her bike without these crutches on the side is rather difficult and so we are taking an approach of practice makes perfect. The bad news is, she can't ride it yet and is refusing to have the training wheels put back on!
So the saga of watching her learn a new skill is daunting and exciting. And when she masters it, it will be that feeling of gumdrops and lollipops!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Adventures in Allergies
It has been 13 nearly 14 months with Mason and figuring out what is causing this awful rash on the back of his legs. Well it started on his belly. Assuming it was the laundry detergent I switched him to the free and clear by Purex. Seeing the rash slowly disappear I was under the impression that was the cause of this non-threatening rash.
His pediatrician suggested he had a dairy allergy. Me, being the mom that didn't believe MY kids would have food allergies, I brushed it off and continued on my 'super'-mom path. The one day the rash that was on his belly moved south to his legs. It's not painful I don't think. He doesn't try to scratch it. But it definitely gets inflamed when he eats dairy. At first I thought, I'll just remove the milk from his diet, problem solved right?!?! Well not exactly. It's kind of a weird scenario.
He can't have direct dairy products, i.e. milk, cheese, yogurt, etc. But it can be mixed in things. I'm not entirely sure why or HOW this type of allergy is created. The only food allergy I know of runs on my side of the family and it's shellfish. No real connection to the dairy part of our lives. I just hope he grows out of this 'allergy'.
For now we buy things like rice milk and other products to encourage a healthy lifestyle for the little monkey. The rash, well the weird one is gone. Now we're fighting eczema. But I'm beginning to win this battle with mineral oils.
His pediatrician suggested he had a dairy allergy. Me, being the mom that didn't believe MY kids would have food allergies, I brushed it off and continued on my 'super'-mom path. The one day the rash that was on his belly moved south to his legs. It's not painful I don't think. He doesn't try to scratch it. But it definitely gets inflamed when he eats dairy. At first I thought, I'll just remove the milk from his diet, problem solved right?!?! Well not exactly. It's kind of a weird scenario.
He can't have direct dairy products, i.e. milk, cheese, yogurt, etc. But it can be mixed in things. I'm not entirely sure why or HOW this type of allergy is created. The only food allergy I know of runs on my side of the family and it's shellfish. No real connection to the dairy part of our lives. I just hope he grows out of this 'allergy'.
For now we buy things like rice milk and other products to encourage a healthy lifestyle for the little monkey. The rash, well the weird one is gone. Now we're fighting eczema. But I'm beginning to win this battle with mineral oils.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunshining Reflections
I often wonder what comes with the sunshine and as of lately that means angry temperaments from our 4 y/o. This provides me yet another setting that tests my patience and kindness and loving discipline with Kara. She is a bright, intelligent little girl. Reaching her on her level is often a challenge. But I love her nonetheless. She provides me joy and anxiety all at the same time. And it's not necessarily a bad thing.
Mason is growing and exploring and will definitely be the heart attack wonder. He's brave and stout. He's rough and cuddly. He's a most definite momma's boy. He loves to play rough with daddy and sissy and snuggle with momma. I can't imagine life without his energy.
Aaron is such a goal driven man. He's such a wonderful husband, an excellent and attending father, and a great provider. He's made it to where I can stay home and raise our children without financial worry. He's supported me in all my endeavors and has been there for me when I've fallen. He's just plain awesome. I thank God everyday for this man in my life!
I'm a stay at home mom with cause. I love my kids to death. Would do anything in my power to raise them right, see the good in everything, and help them create purpose for their being. I love working out, eating healthy and picking healthy food for my family. I find grocery shopping entertaining because it provides me the interesting challenge to buy 'cleaner' foods for my family. I'm not a health freak by any means, but I like to give my family a good start on things.
We have a dog, Mo. He's a handful. Let me tell you. He sleeps about 23 hours a day and the other hour is spent outside, eating, or playing with the kids. He's actually a very calm and friendly animal.
We live in the perfect house on .5 acre. We have a gigantic yard. If you don't think it's gigantic, mow it. Then you'll change your mind. I love our life here in Alaska and look forward to many many years here.
So that's just a post introducing you to us, in case you didn't know. It is my goal to keep a blog. Hopefully, updating as events occur or just because.
Mason is growing and exploring and will definitely be the heart attack wonder. He's brave and stout. He's rough and cuddly. He's a most definite momma's boy. He loves to play rough with daddy and sissy and snuggle with momma. I can't imagine life without his energy.
Aaron is such a goal driven man. He's such a wonderful husband, an excellent and attending father, and a great provider. He's made it to where I can stay home and raise our children without financial worry. He's supported me in all my endeavors and has been there for me when I've fallen. He's just plain awesome. I thank God everyday for this man in my life!
I'm a stay at home mom with cause. I love my kids to death. Would do anything in my power to raise them right, see the good in everything, and help them create purpose for their being. I love working out, eating healthy and picking healthy food for my family. I find grocery shopping entertaining because it provides me the interesting challenge to buy 'cleaner' foods for my family. I'm not a health freak by any means, but I like to give my family a good start on things.
We have a dog, Mo. He's a handful. Let me tell you. He sleeps about 23 hours a day and the other hour is spent outside, eating, or playing with the kids. He's actually a very calm and friendly animal.
We live in the perfect house on .5 acre. We have a gigantic yard. If you don't think it's gigantic, mow it. Then you'll change your mind. I love our life here in Alaska and look forward to many many years here.
So that's just a post introducing you to us, in case you didn't know. It is my goal to keep a blog. Hopefully, updating as events occur or just because.
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