Please Everyone Mom: Real Moms Can't Fix Everyone and Everything

Okay, so I think I've prefaced this blog with my very first blog when I identified myself as a pleaser. It really is who I am. Though I may not vocalize that I'm taking on issues from others, I do. It becomes part of me. I feel for people. I want to fix things. I have a magnet on my body for broken people. I can't help it. I love to feel needed. It doesn't stop with my friends. I extends to my family.

There have been many times when I've wanted to "fix" things for my family members. It really wears me down emotionally and mentally. But I still continue to do it. I love that my family knows they can call on me when they need to talk or need advice. When it comes to my kids I am the same way. I want to fix the hurts, owies, and bumps and bruises. When Aaron is frustrated I want to fix it. When he's not happy (doesn't mean it's our life) I want to change whatever I can to fix it. This is who I am. But when I'm needing fixing, I don't. Until now. (not that I'm broken)

Chapter 4 discusses pleasing everyone. Fixing everyone and everything is what moms attempt to do. It drains us and when we don't fill our cup back up, we start running on negative fix-its, which then cause resentment toward our family. It can cause issues in an otherwise healthy marriage, depression, sadness, hurt. We try to fix unhappy kids, sick kids, unhappy spouses, and broken friends. The only person we should fix is ourselves, then everything around us will change.

When you refer to the Bible it specifically tells us to not take on others issues. Galations 6:4-5 it says "Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load."

As moms we always take on everything around us. It just happens. But in reality the only issues we should take on as a personal force is our own load. When we take on other's loads we begin to feel as they are, see things as they do, and possibly act as they do. But what about me? Where do I fit in this person's life that I'm taking on their issues for? Where does my time fit in? How come they need me and I'm there? Resentment sets in.

My children won't be young forever. For now their issues are my issues for them. It is my responsibility to help them process anger, sadness, hurt and frustration at their level. But it also my responsibility to let them figure a lot out and learn how to process it on their own. I can't fix their problems, friendships or frustrations. But I can teach them how to respond. There will come a day when Kara's friend says something mean. I can't legally go beat up another child. :) But I can help her process it in a non-threatening manner to her and her friend. There might come a day when Mason's buddy decides to date the girl he's been secretly crushing on, I can't go slash that kid's tires. But I can help Mason process the hurt he feels.

Learning when to draw a line is hard for me with people. I feel so deeply connected to people that even a stranger's burden becomes my own. This "fix-it" mentality takes a large book of checks and balances for me. I have to stop and think, "Am I doing Okay before I attempt help this person?" And then I have to find the stopping point. It's a bit of a work in progress.

Do you take on more than you can handle? Do you make other peoples' problems your own?

More Real Mom moments:

• A real mom puts her hands out to catch her child's unexpected vomit but misses most of it.
• A real mom knows she's doing something right when her child says, "You're the worst mother in the world!"

Peace be with you all!