I'm not usually one that subscribes to motherhood myths. Granted I had a pretty swell mom growing up. But I know there are many things I feel like I'm failing on if I don't achieve them. I've never been a crafty person. Anyone who has tried to do crafts with me or watched me attempt them will agree with my dear hubby in his diagnosis of Arts and Crafts ADD. I also get mad, sad, depressed and lost.
My read for this journey is called: "real MOMS: Exploding the Myths of MOTHERHOOD" by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall.
There is one excerpt that I will pull from Chapter 1: Real Me Mom: Real Moms Know and Accept Who They Are before I proceed to answering the Reality Check questions.
From pg. 32-33:
"I have this theory. There are three kinds of women. There's the woman who has always known (like, from birth) that she has wanted to be a mother, and she is fantastic at it, thriving in this role. (In face, for her, it's not a role; it is who she is to the core.) On the other end of the spectrum is the woman who (also, almost from birth) has always known that she did not want to be a mother, and she finds her womanly fulfillment in a myriad of other ways throughout her life. Then there's the other one in the middle somewhere, the one who wants to be a mom but is the kind that does not automatically love all children. (She loves hers completely and cares infinitely for the children of her friends and extended family, but that's about the extent of it.) For her, mothering is amazing but is not necessarily the defining factor in her life."
This little excerpt is so fitting to me. I am a middle woman. I have my dreams and desires, but love my kids to the core. The writer goes on to say that God could've chosen a childless life for her, but He didn't. And that He will be there with her along her journey the whole way all the way to her achieving her goals. Again .. this completely applies to me.
Now to the Reality Check. Just a note: I will be candidly honest in my answers. Please do not judge me. I am a mother, the best I can be, to my children and I'm aspiring to be a better one. I hope that my journey will inspire someone to find the Real Mom inside of someone.
1) John Calvin once said, "There are only two things you must know -- God, and yourself." Which do you know better? How can you get to know the other better?
I am confident that I know God better. When I became a mother, I wasn't prepared. (As if any of us truly are.) But I literally was not planning for children for a few more years. The birth of my daughter was probably the most defining moment in my life. It became clear to me that anything I thought I was or was going to be or do was going to change. I was no longer me in a sense. However, my comprehension of God, His role in my life, and His desire for all of our lives, has always been strong and complete. Though I have faltered away from it at times, knowing that I can come back to my truth has been a great net that has caught me time and time again.
I really have know idea how to get to know myself better. It will take time, effort, and work, all of which are scary and consuming. But in the end my children and husband will benefit, and best of all, I will benefit.
2) In "The Real Me" story, the author, Elisabeth K. Corcoran, describes three kinds of moms and is really honest about which one she is. How does this make you feel? If you are really honest, which type of mom are you?
The story made me realize that I'm not alone. I was in shock when I found out I was pregnant with Kara. I was sad that all my 'dreams' were about to change and I was uncertain about my future. The story was so close to what I felt, that it made me evaluate even deeper the type of mother I am. I am for sure the middle of the roader mom. I have my dreams and my aspirations, but I love being a mom and I know, in time, all my dreams and aspirations will come true. Patience.
3) Describe some of the layers that make up the outside you. If you are what you have experienced in life, describe who you are today.
The outside me is a pleaser. I long to please everyone. I'm a bit of a chameleon. I've always had a strong desire to fit in with whoever I'm around. It's hard putting that in writing, because being honest with who I am and who I portray isn't the same. This will come as a bit of a shock to most, if not all, of my friends. Whether it's the comedian me, the emotional me, the dramatic me, or the angry me. I'm intuitive to personalities and what behaviors are expected. I've always been a pleaser, and have done what was expected rather than what I would like to do. In life, no matter who I have been around or what circumstances have influenced me, I've always responded in a manner that I know would be acceptable in the masses.
4) Describe who you are on the most inside part of your soul. How well do you accept who you are on the inside? Explain.
This will be difficult to answer for me. But I will do my best. Inside, I'm emotional, I attach easily to people, I relate to others, I can read characters, I love deeply, I hate deeply (SOOO not proud of this), I love easily, I hate easily (again, another moment I'm not proud of), I need everyone and want to be needed, I'm impatient. I think that should do it. I don't accept me on the inside because I feel crazy. LOL! If I'm being honest, I feel easily betrayed. I'm afraid of showing anyone when I'm vulnerable. I simply don't accept myself on the inside, so I give a different persona for the outside.
In closing of this most eye opening personal experience, I want to leave you with a few "Real Mom" Moments:
- A real mom goes potty with an audience.
- A real mom uses baby wipes to clean more than dirty bottoms.
- A real mom drives her kids to school in her pajamas.
- A real mom picks up the pacifier that has fallen on the grocery floor, licks it off, and gives it back to her fussy toddler.
Love it! I loved the book as well! I wish we had- had more than a few months to know one another before we moved from AK, but someday I'll see you again! :o)
ReplyDeleteNicole Jones