Raising Adults, Not Children

Do you ever compare your mothering style to other moms who seem to have it all together?

I'm constantly thinking "Wow, she is an amazing mom?" or "She has awesome kids, I wonder what I'm doing wrong?!?!" or my favorite "Why can't my kids be like her kids?"

That last one is the harshest one I ever say to myself. I have to constantly remind myself that all kids are different. I couldn't be a mother to another mother's children. Just like another mother couldn't be the right mother to my kids. I have several friends that are WAY stricter than me with their kids and I have several that are WAY more lenient than I am. I'm unsure where my mothering style fits, or if it's even working.

I've witnessed myself many times drawing conclusions or judging other moms on how they do things. It's either because they don't know any better, or they were raised in a strict home (or the complete opposite), maybe they had addicts as parents which is why they are completely anti-anything that can be addictive, or maybe they just think that society will be a good learning experience for kids.

I think for me, I'm a middle of the road parent. There are things I'm adamant about my kids understanding and then there are things that I'm adamant they learn on their own. I didn't grow up in an overly strict home. My parents set the ground rules and then there were consequences. I didn't usually disobey my parents. I wonder how they were able to instill that feeling of respect in me? I'm not saying I wasn't mouthy as a teen or dramatic, but I didn't go out drinking, or stay out all night with a boy, or skip school too often, or fail my classes. Because I respected my parents.

I look at my kids and I wonder if I'm instilling this feeling of "respect" in them for me (and Aaron). I think that is what alleviated a lot of my behaviors when I was a teen. I totally respected my parents. I didn't want to disappoint my dad or embarrass my mom. I just don't know how to be sure to instill that in my kids.

I know that I'm doing one thing right and that is setting a Christian example for them and taking them to church. Perhaps that's where my folks went right. I went to church as a teen.

I know that by spending time with my kids, listening to them, playing with them, doing arts and crafts with them, and letting them mess up will all play a role in our ability to communicate when they are teens. I know I have several years until then, but I'm raising adults, not children.

I want these two that have been given to me and Aaron to be contributing, responsible, respectful, and dependable adults. Sometimes I worry I'm really screwing up!

Peace.