My Rescue

My rescue started as a teen, only I wasn't aware of this.
I spent a week at a Christian Camp in Utah. That week sparked the Spirit inside me, that I wouldn't fan until my 29th year of life. Recently, I have been exposed to a lot of thing regarding flames and fire. A simple spark gets a fire going.

As I matured into an adult, I fell away and back frequently to Christ. I got mixed up in drugs, sex, and alcohol as a young adult in my early years of college. Like a lot of lost souls do. I nearly failed out of college. Actually I did. They literally kicked me out after my second year because my grades weren't worth the paper they were printed on.

That moment that I had to apologize and defend myself just to stay in college was a defining moment. But it would only take me as far to focus on my education. I still did everything else. I just managed to pay attention more to my studies and homework.

Alcohol was a huge part of my undergrad. I was working two jobs. One to pay my rent, the other to pay for my habits. I am confident that had I not been working two jobs, I would've achieved much better grades in college.

When I met Aaron in 2004, I was on my up from the ditch that I had dug for myself, and even buried myself in. Life was on it's way going in a good direction. He was a second spark from Christ.

My family has had a lot of turmoil in it the past 10 years (probably longer but I have only paid attention the past 10). It was hard watching my parents divorce as Aaron and I got engaged. It was extremely difficult knowing my mom was in jail. It's hard not having the relationship with my sister I so desire. Losing my grandparents in the past six years was/is so difficult. They were always there for me to talk to, confide in, ask advice from.

And even in all of this, Jesus was still walking with me. Even though I was pushing him aside through those few years of crap (no other word fits).

In the midst of the extreme stress in my family, God plucked our family up and planted us in Alaska. He literally did. I won't give any credit to anyone else. Because there is no way that I would be here today married with two children, living life with love, if it weren't for Him.

That was my rescue. Jesus rescued me from myself, the contamination of others, the influence of evil, and placed in my path a life that was promised. It would be years before I recognized that I needed Christ. And it was in the midst of, yet another, addiction problem. Pain pills had become my way of dealing with life, depression, lack of family, lack of friends, and in all the lack of knowing my worth.

Jesus did not just give me a spark then. He rescued me (again). He took over my heart. He helped me realize that I have a man in my life that loves me. Two kids that need me. A life worth living. Jesus rescued my heart, but not just my heart, he rescued my mind.

I still battle my thoughts, but now I battle them with the power and love of the Holy Spirit!

This year I have set a personal goal for myself to forgive the past, move on from it, draw nearer to Christ. But, most importantly, make myself vulnerable. In my life I have had some pretty sad things happen. And I have allowed them to dictate how I perceive people, events, circumstances, and even simple, innocent statements.

Vulnerability is new to me. And I know I will struggle with it. I'm a pretty cold and emotionless person. I am so glad that Jesus doesn't give up on anyone!

Christ rescued me a long time ago! He is still rescuing me today!