Mawwage is what bwings us togevah, today.

"Mawwage is what bwings us togevah today. Wuv .. sweet wuv..." LOL whenever I think of marriage I automatically think of the wedding scene in the "Princess Bride." It cracks me up. But it makes complete sense too. Aaron and I have been married 6.5 years and in that time we've learned A LOT about each other, and still are learning things about each other. I'm going to preface this blog with a disclaimer; I am not a psychologist or therapist. I have not been paid to write this blog. I am not a marital bliss professional. I have only  made assumptions and conclusions based on careful observations.

When I think about people getting married two main things pop into my head. 1) They must love each other; or 2) She is pregnant. Yes, I know that sounds very judgmental, but those are two of the only reasons I can think of anyone getting married in our culture. Marriage is so obsolete these days with all the celebrities getting married then getting divorced, or our neighbors, friends, family. It doesn't seem to have it's value anymore. It's a "stepping" stone of sorts. The appeal is only to combine two peoples' fortunes, or because "Well we've been through a lot together, I guess it's the next step." What happened to the intimacy, the romance? Where's the love in marriage anymore?

The definition of intimacy is 1: the state of being intimate : familiarity 2: something of a personal or private nature. Our relationships are exposed to every corner of the world. We have so many social networking Web sites to determine if people are in a relationship, married, single, divorced. We have cell phones that can text the details of an argument in an instant. We can call anyone anywhere at any given time and expose the dearest details of our friends or family member's most private issues. Intimacy is gone. Bringing it back is important in a marriage. I love my husband. I love that when I look at him, I know that our private lives are private. I can trust that he isn't going to expose my secrets to anyone, and he can trust me. I know that when I am with him, he loves me for who and what I am, regardless of my hormonal state. Now that's something. Women are hormonal, don't shake your head like you are perfect. Cause if you are female, and you have ovaries .. you are hormonal. And our men, put up with it. WHY?

This brings me to the point about closeness. When I am frustrated with Aaron, I don't run to my friends necessarily and expose my issues with him. I have to think them through. Am I wrong? Is he? What am I frustrated about? The truth is, when I am close with Aaron, my frustrations are minor. When I am with him, being close to him feels natural. When I allow minor issues to build into a mountain and put that wedge between us, I feel less close to him. And it's not his fault that my perspective is screwed up. It's mine. We are in a relationship together. Not just him, not just me. I would've left myself a long time ago. But we are close. Not just in proximity, but emotionally.

Which brings me to experiences. We all have issues in our marriages. My marriage is no different. It's not been perfect, but it's been mine and Aaron's. And we own it. Every miscommunication, every misunderstanding, every good time and bad. We did that together. We experienced it all together. Our experiences have made our relationship strong. When you are experiencing life together, you understand each other. You learn from each other. Even if your perspectives are different, you're growing together. You can't go through your marriage as if you are bystander. You are an important part. You are required to give your whole self to your partner. This is the person you've chosen to experience life with. And you are suppose to do it without expecting the same in return. Look that may seem a bit off key to some, but the truth is .. your partner will never give you back what you gave to them because they are not you! He or she can give you what HE or SHE can give you. And you take it with gratitude. If you are going through these experiences expecting magical fairy tales, it'll never add up. You build a relationship together being who you are, and accepting one another for that.


I can't tell you how many conversations I've had in the past six years while I've been married with friends who are married. Some now divorced. It always amazes me at how selfish one can be in a relationship. You don't go into a relationship expecting that you will be the one getting all the gold. You fall in love and care for someone to give them all your gold. Why is it when times are tough, or situations are rough, we start lashing about the things that were never given to us? If I look at my marriage honestly, I know that there have been times that I have been completely selfish, not loving Aaron for exactly the man he was, is and always will be. 
Changing this is hard, but it is possible. I'm not an "experienced married person." But I do know what selfishness looks like! Be grateful for the man or wife in your life! You chose them for a reason. And if you can't remember why you chose them, try to find new reasons to choose them!

Peace.