Rainy Days with van Gogh

When the playdoh entertainment runs its last moments. When the clouds are dumping their rainy load. When the kids are bored. What do you do?!?!

My daughter loves art. She especially loves Vincent van Gogh. At her age, I think I was more obsessed with playing barbies, house or school. But this girl, my favorite daughter, LOVES art! In an effort to encourage something I know nearly nothing about, I seek out blogs and the like for inspirations of how to teach Kara art.

Since today is a rainy day, I thought I would find some van Gogh fun while brother was napping. :)

This is van Gogh's famous sunflower piece. Seeing that recreating this was a bit scary for Kara.I follow a blog that a homeschooling mom writes and posts her art lessons that she does with her kids. So I kinda took her lead and pieced together her lesson on sunflower art with her kids she did here and went a slightly different direction. She provided this pictures of a sunflower in June this summer....

So pulled this picture up and let Kara study it. She loves pointing out detail and analyzing it. She also loves flowers. BONUS! Not to mention looking at a sunflower on a gloomy, rainy day does kinda lift my spirits!

My beautiful artist daughter came up with this rendition of a sunflower.....

Which is now proudly displayed on her Gallery Wall in her bedroom! :)

What do you do with your kids on rainy days?

A New Birth

"Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind. ......... By His own choice, He gave us a new birth by the message of truth so that we would be the firstfruits of His creatures." James 1: 5-6, 18

I have to admit, I haven't really ever focused on the book of James before. But this morning I was compelled to read James 1. I have a weird thing with trials in life. Because I believe our God to be good in all things, believing that he would PUT trials in my life is a hard pill to swallow. I know that Satan is one powerful being and will always be putting me to the test, to see where I am weak in my faith. Therefore, if Satan is testing me, then God isn't?!?! Right?

I read James 1: 2-18 and found that the writer never says that God is testing us. Just that our faith will be tested .. "Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." James 1:2-3 ... just tells me that in going through trials in our life, that when we rely on the awesomeness and commitment of God, our faith will come out stronger and can endure more in this life.

As a fairly new Jesus-walker, I experienced one extreme trial from the start. Dealing with a drug addiction when I gave my life to Christ was one of the most difficult times. I committed to Christ to be the follower he calls for. Though, not in a sober frame of mind, I came through stronger. I ended the use of the drugs, and Jesus has been my prize ever since. That wasn't overnight, mind you. It was several months. And even after the fact, I still behaved in an unacceptable way. However, looking back to the summer of 2011, I can see exactly where I was walking, and where I was being carried.

Jesus was there. In the form of new friends, new church family, even to some extent my husband seemed different to me. "But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:4 ... if I hadn't endured through that time in my life, if I hadn't committed myself to living and loving Jesus. I am unsure what my future would've been. My faith now is stronger.

James goes on to say that those that "lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing.." I'm not sure about you, but this SCREAMS at me that God is not only there to guide me, but he is there to help me through my self-inflicted trials in life, without criticizing me. He's not there to bullet point all the things I was doing wrong, but rather guide me in the direction of doing what is right. What is holy and pleasing to God.

"A man who endures trials is blessed, because when he passes the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." v.12

And CLEARLY, plain as day in verses 13 and 14 it states "No one undergoing a trial should say, "I am being tempted by God." For God is not tempted by evil, and He Himself doesn't tempt anyone. But each person is tempted when he is drawn away and enticed by his own evil desires."

FRIENDS, GOD DOES NOT TEMPT US!!! HE REDEEMS US!!!

That is good news to me! Knowing that I simply can just resist my humanistic desires to sin, with the help of God, and also knowing that if there is a trial that is self-inflicted (Satan encouraged) .. all I need to do is call on God for wisdom and He will bring me through it. God is a god of LOVE and ENCOURAGEMENT. NOT a god of temptation and evil!! Be clear, friends, be clear.

I came out of my darkest hour last August. Not because of what I was doing. But because Jesus was there, holding my hand, carrying me at times, lifting me through the quicksand. I fell in love with following Jesus because he saved me from all that I was inflicting on myself!

"By His own choice, He gave us a new birth..."

To Love

Love is a fruit, in season at all times and within the reach o f every hand. Anyone may gather it and no limit is set. ~Mother Teresa~

When I think of love, I think of it as something tangible, shown by gifts, affection, service, words of affirmation. I think of love as something that we learn to do as we get to know someone or trust someone. Love is a commodity of sorts that people can sort of "buy" in their actions toward one another. And I'm sure I'm not the only one that views love as such.

However, when I think of love in the way it was meant to be: sacrificial toward all regardless of anything that may or may not be in opposition toward one's belief system, life style, or society placement, it begs me to wonder if I, personally have put limitations on how and, especially, who I love.

I've heard a story many times about Penn Jillette being an atheist but still loving all regardless and he puts it like this. (summarizing for my understanding)

How much do you have to hate someone to not push them out from in front of a bus?

I see this in a couple of different lights. He says this regarding Disciples of Christ not sharing the word and light of eternal life with Christ with non-believers, specifically. Referring to the fear of evangelism and not "loving" someone enough to share with them the love of Christ.

But I also see this question in this way, that even though I may not "hate" someone that if I'm not showing everyone compassion and unfailing, unconditional love, in a sense I am "hating" them. Would I just stand there and let someone get hit by a bus simply because I don't know them?

Total strangers are fighting and dying for me everyday. They have never met me, my kids, my husband, likely my family large extended families. Yet they love me.

This brings me back to my original thought on love. How do we love without conditions? How do we give love without unknowingly forcing people to "buy" it?

Mother Teresa puts it quite simply and honestly (as well as Biblically) that love is a fruit. Fruit of the Spirit.

Galations 5: 22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Nothing gives anyone the right to show anyone anything but love! I have been through some hard times emotionally and struggled with loving someone. Justifying to myself that So-and-so didn't deserve my love. But when I look at this concept Biblically, and follow it to the essence of root, my love cannot be conditional.

Jesus didn't pick and choose who he was dying for. He said he was preparing a way for all. All we need to do is accept and believe. His love for the sinner was unconditional. He dined with them, extended his hand to them in times of need, had intimate conversations with them without them feeling wary.

My call to love regardless goes deeper than a superficial reward or an artificial appearance. To love someone, regardless of if they are like me or not, is a requirement. And when you love all truly, unwavering, without measure, and with true genuine deep caring and abiding love, humankind becomes beautiful in all circumstances.

1 Corinthians 13: 13 "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

I Suck as a Mom

I suck at being a parent. Not in the "Oops, I forgot little Tommie's sippy cup" kind of sucking, but in the "Lost my control over spilled milk" kind of sucking at being a parent.

I keep trying to turn in my retirement papers, but they keep getting rejected.

What is it that makes a good parent, anyway?

I expected parades of "Thank-yous" and "Please" as well as picture perfect clean house, with the most well-behaved children. Not to mention the loving and most enjoyable relationship with my husband. This was my idea of what being a parent/wife.

Let me tell you, today (and many days in the past) who or whatever lead me to believe this was an accurate portrayal of life as a parent and wife are, man I found out they are liars! Never believe what you see on TV!

I do believe that when they made the movies about Dennis the Menace, they were really prepping me (and the world) for Mason.

I am no June Cleaver or Mrs. Brady. Again .. more lies on the TV.

One day my Dennis and "fill in the blank from 90210 characters" dramatic daughter Kara will have children of their own! :) This is the rewards of being a parent!

Not a Size 6

Yesterday I watched Dr. Oz. I know! I can't believe I did that either. But only because his show yesterday wasn't about how cell phone usage causes brain cancer, or any cancer causing issues. Even though, to him, everything causes some form of cancer. No doubt today's episode will revolve around cancer just to make up for the lost amount of discussion on his favorite topic from yesterday's show.

At any rate, yesterday's show revolved around making yourself feel better about yourself by changing only a few things. Not diet. Not losing weight. Not even exercising. ARE YOU AS SHOCKED AS I AM??? This was on HIS show!

Three women were guests, all plus size models. Sizes 12, 14, and 16. Beautiful women, all comfortable in their bodies. And all focusing, not on their flaws but, on their favorite assets.

Anyway, the thing that stuck out the most to me about these women is that they were healthy. They all worked out regularly, ate healthy diets, and had a healthy self-esteem. They weren't concerned with losing those last 10 lbs, or dropping 6 pant sizes. They didn't even seem to worry about what Dr. Oz might say. Cause we all know he usually says something about weight (it causes cancer!)

This episode had me glued. I was hooked on their every word. Watching the body language. Listening to them talk. I was convinced that even women who aren't size 6 are beautiful! A new concept to me. Trust me, it's new to me!

I have struggled with my weight as long as I can remember. I wasn't necessarily "fat" in high school, but was no where near the size of my thin and petite cohorts in school. The "pretty" girls. Even still to this day, they are thin and gorgeous. But for some reason my experience in high school created this unrealistic, and sometimes untrue, idea of beauty.

Yes we all strive to look and feel our best. But why do I feel like my best isn't good enough?

As I watched these three women on the TV it clicked. Being comfortable in your skin is all the matters. As long as you live and lead a healthy lifestyle, size doesn't necessarily matter. I'm not a twig, and likely will never be a size 6. But I realize that I am me.

My body is not the same as the person next door, or the girls I went to high school with. My body was curvy and I had red hair. At the time, I felt awkward and ugly. I had freckles, glasses, but no braces .. no need to add to that weird stage of teenage years. But my awkward feelings have grown into my adulthood.

Learning to love my body with all it's attributes is hard. I carry battle wounds (stretchmarks) from giving life to two beautiful children. I'm starting to get wrinkles around my eyes from age (not that I'm old). Luckily for me I don't have gray hair yet! :) That's a bonus!

But even with all these "bad" things going on with my body, I know that I am healthier now than I have ever been. And when I make goals of losing pounds or decreasing my pant size, I get occupied and consumed with my failures in those endeavors.

I learned something yesterday, I learned that I don't have to be a size 6 or even an 8 or 10 to be the most beautiful me I can be. If I am confident in myself where I stand with my looks now, it won't matter what other women look like. Or what society deems as beautiful. If I am happy and in love with what I see in the mirror, that is all that matters.

By the way, reading my blog does not cause cancer! ;)

Things Happen

Many of you who read this will know nothing about me prior to when we first met. Many will have no idea of the things I did to myself, learned about myself and others, or why I am the way I am. And I'm okay with that.

Even though in conversation I can be fairly forthcoming, I am also very private about the past. I am just that way. I don't air my dirty laundry, I try VERY hard to not bring up past issues, I also try VERY hard to not make people feel guilty about things they have done in the past. I am not perfect, so I know that, at times, I fail and bring up old hurt feelings and experiences.

Today while talking with a friend we were talking about a past experience with me. One that I'm not proud of, and will not hash out on the Internet for discussion. But what I will say is that during our discussion, she made helped me realize that things happen. Good or bad, things happen. The important part is what we took from it.

I know that in my life I have screwed up more times then I can count. I have said much more hurtful things to people than should ever come out of someone's mouth. I have held people accountable for their actions, all the while acting more righteous than my fellow neighbor. But I also know that because it's in the past, it's in the past.

How does one move on from the past? How do we, without conjuring up all those events that determined the direction of our character, live day to day without feeling sad, remorseful, guilty? Why is it so hard to forgive? Ourselves? Others?

On my way home today, I was listening to K-Love as I often do in the car and a music artist by the name of Rhett Miller was co-hosting. He's a Christian singer. He was talking about a time when he took a drive to have it out with God. He was feeling overwhelmed, overbooked, exhausted and unsure of what he was to do with his life. Even though he was married; expecting their first child; a promising music career. Pretty much a pretty solid life by my standards. He was dealing with the past.

His drive took him to the bank of a river where basically God told him "Let me handle the past."

Without knowing any details of my conversation with my friend, you could see how this simple statement from God would have deep impact on anyone dealing with the past.

"Let me handle the past," says God.

Not "process your feelings, confront people, figure out your priorities" ... a simple "Let me handle the past."

The more I say it; the more I type it; the more I realize the truth in that simple statement.

When I heard that statement, especially following a conversation with my friend, I know that God was speaking oh so clearly to me. He heard my concern in my conversation with my friend. He was trying so hard to put the right words in her mouth. I can see it all now. But it didn't click until I was on my way home in my car with the radio on, and a special guest on the station.

The feeling of relief that my God, my Jesus, was going to handle my past for me is one amazing and inspiring emotion. I cannot tell you how much weight I felt lifted off me. I have been dwelling on things I've done as recent as this week and as far back as 12 years. The choices I made before I gave my heart to God. He washed me of all of that June 5, 2011. And a year later I finally understand, Let God handle the past!

Peace

I am Sinner

I did not write that wrong. I am Sinner. I am not perfect. I do not always make the right choices in life. I fight daily to stay calm and not allow my anger to get the best of me. I work everyday to believe that my life is worth something and for purpose.

My life has been around many sad and deserted corners. My heart has been entangled in too many unhealthy things. My mind was once occupied with sadness, hatred, and even distress.

I was dead.

In two days, June 5, I will celebrate life! My "Birth"day of life. My act of obedience to the one that gave me purpose on this Earth. My day that I showed my friends and family of disciples that I am worthy of THIS life. I have PURPOSE! I am once and for all completely and utterly, deep and concentrated, purely and purposely claimed by Jesus!

I am still Sinner! Yet He still claims me as His own. He promises to never leave me. He promises to always be by my side. He promises that life will not be easy, but HE will do it with me!

I am Sinner. But I am HIS!