Marriage and Complaining

This is going to be a very blunt (annoyance based) post. Beware of the content to follow. It may make you mad, sad, annoyed or frustrated. Don't read it if you don't want to be called out? So, let's have a chat, shall we?!?!

I am so flippin sick and tired of wives (and some husbands) complaining about their spouses!! Wow that felt good!!

Now that that's out of the way, let me babble a bit. There is a bit of a difference in expressing frustration with a situation and airing out your wedded dirty laundry list of complaints about your spouse. For heaven's sake, you picked this person, flaws and all, to spend the rest of your life with.

What ever happened to marital intimacy and privacy??? Not everyone needs to know the ins and outs of your relationship! For a few reasons:

1) It's not fair to your spouse if you complaining nonstop about his or her behaviors, demeanor, job, friends (or lack of), talents (or lack of), driving, etc. This list could go on. Complaining about it all the time only causes friction between you, your spouse, and anyone that he or she will interact with that you have complained to. When you put out there those complaints, people will, unfortunately, have a preconceived notion about your spouse when meeting or hanging out with him. Assuming his behaviors are fake or what have you. So stop!

2) When you enter into holy matrimony, that relationship is owned by the two of you. You are a pair! If you were going to couples counseling, you would go together, right? So when you are complaining complaining complaining, all you are doing is bashing YOUR relationship. It's not really a good habit to get into.

3) You are violating the confidence the other person has put in you by taking you as his wife or her husband. Just don't do it. How would you feel if your spouse was doing nothing but complaining about you to his or her friends constantly, without you there to even attempt to defend yourself? You would be hurt, feel betrayed, and understandably disappointed that the vows of intimacy and privacy weren't kept.

Marriage isn't a toy that you can throw away when times get tough or when it breaks or needs new batteries. Marriage is something so private, so intimate, so delicate between two people in love. It's the one core relationship that God elevates above any other on this earth. He created it. Bonded it. Encourages it. The relationship between the two people involved in the marriage is deep.

It really saddens me when I see post after post on Facebook demeaning one's spouse. It breaks my heart when all we hear about on the news is one marriage after another ending. A 49% divorce rate in this country is not something to be proud of. And we tout it like is some sort of trophy! It's unacceptable. It's sick.

When I married Aaron I made a promise to him. To uphold him above any other, to love, cherish, obey (interesting) him in all circumstances. Through sickness and health, for richer or poorer (boy we've been there) until death. I have NO INTEREST in exposing the deep dark parts of our relationship to anyone, but to God and, if ever necessary, a marital therapist. The things that happen between he and I are private. He would feel so violated if I ever told anyone the "bad things" about him. Or complained about him as some complain about their spouses.

My heart would be so broken if he complained day in and day out about me. It would feel like he didn't value me as his wife, partner in life, mother to his children. Our marriage is private. Our marriage is OURS.

Society has made it seem so "normal" to just put out there the wrongs in our lives. To air it out. It's "normal" they say. Marriage is not normal. Marriage is an oddity that we choose to enter into. It's a relationship that has intimacy beyond the knowledge of humankind. When you "carefully" choose the partner of whom you want to spend your life with, you enter into this matrimonial covenant that involves you, your spouse and our Lord.

God didn't create marriage as some sort of ploy. He created it with the idea of us partnering, becoming one, going through our life together in hopes of building, creating and becoming the people he created us to be. God's oneness with matrimony doesn't end when the lights go out after the wedding or the reception. He blesses it. He strengthens it. He encourages communication and team building. Marriage isn't about what our spouse can do for us. Marriage is about what we can do for our spouses.

Airing out your dirty laundry to whoever will listen violates your commitment to your spouse and your commitment to do everything you can in this life to love and honor him or her.

My plea to you is that you think about what you say about your spouse. Once it's out there, you can't take it back. No matter how hard you try. Once your words are spoken, that's it. Your spouse is your partner in this life. Complaining about them only complicates and depletes the intimacy of your marriage.

^"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Ephesians 5:33

We are called to love our spouses as we love ourselves and to respect. Don't get caught up in arms when you're complaining causes issue. Remember that we are called to love and to respect. 

Peace