Multiple Personality Mom

I've been thinking a lot lately about me as a mom, me as a wife, me as a friend, and me as me. There are a lot of people in there. But they are all me. Perhaps a psychiatrist would diagnose me multiple-personality or some sort of disorder like that. And I think that, in this respect, it would be an accurate account to my mental state (and all mothers for that matter).

It's funny how quickly we become more than who we thought we were and nothing we recognize. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and a wife. I have only two children versus some of my friends with 3+. And though I wanted more, I'm sure that there is a reason, a very logical reason, that I only have two. I see the light when I lose my patience, when I feel like the day isn't going to end, when I look at my kids and only see monsters. Okay Okay, they aren't physically monsters, but you know those days where they pull the "momma momma momma momma mom mom mom ..." "WHAT!?!?" "Hi." Oh my gosh, those days are the days that nearly push me over the cliff, and just when I'm about to voluntarily jump, it's bedtime.

Then I sigh, and suddenly all the anxiety and frustration that has built up over the entire day fades away into a mist and I'm ready to do it all over again the very next day. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. But really I just love and adore my kids. They can be the most frustrating and yet the most rewarding aspect in my life. Especially when Kara says "Mom I have a secret for you" and then whispers in my ear that she loves me .. or when Mason blows me kisses or puckers up from across the room and walks the whole way to me to give me a kiss.

Kids are no walk in the park and there are many people that I know that should not have them. :) But aside from my superficial judgment, children are a beautifully endowed to us mothers by our Creator. We are blessed and chosen to be the mother to OUR children. No matter how the children came into our life, foster, adoption, birth, or bestowed by a family member in death. These children are ours to care for, love, teach, learn from, and let go.

My kids are still very young. But in the next year I'll be letting go of one of them to school. I know that in her short 5 years of life she has taught me more than I have taught her. I thought at one time kids were so simple to raise. I am guilty of what I call "Pre mother advice giving." I knew everything before I became a mother, only to realize that the moment I became pregnant with Kara I knew NOTHING! What a shock!! ;)

Letting go of our children into the hands of their own decision-making abilities is so nerve racking. The only rest I can take in knowing Kara will be okay is knowing that I've allowed her to find her sense of independence.

Children have taught me how to care for and love someone so unconditionally. I think that children are purposely design specifically for this in order to show us an example of God's love for us. We learn to love deeply the minute we hold our firstborn child. It's not that we don't love our partner, parents, siblings, etc., but loving our kids is what teaches us that unconditional love. It's deep, it's unexplainable.

As a mother I have found that two kids is enough for me. You don't particularly understand the trials in motherhood until you have two or more children to care for at one time. Don't get me wrong, there were times when it was just Kara that I thought I'd pull my hair out. But two kids is way way WAY different than one. And then you add in the spacing of the age. The closer the children are together in age the different the trials you have in mothering. My children are more than three years apart.

Look I don't want to deter anyone from having additional children, but just be aware the more you add the more you suffer. HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING! The more you have the more you have the more love you get. :) Not that I'm an advocate for huge families either. I guess it's a personal choice and what God hands you.

I always try to remind myself that when I'm having a bad day, my kids are being monsters, and I have a patience deficit, that I, at the very least, have today with my kids.

Peace.