"One of the worst things about being a parent, for me, is the self-discovery, the being face to face with one's secret insanity and brokenness and rage." Anne Lamott
Chapter 3 is about the anger that mom's feel. Describing anger as a secondary issue usually follows hurt, sadness, or frustration. While at times a sudden brash of anger can come over us at any moment, as a mom I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I lose my temper. Finding out what triggers my moments of anger has never been something I'm good at.
I have been really good at suppressing irritation, frustration or sadness. It's something I think I've perfected. But then my bottle is full, one little thing like, um, stepping on a crayon on the floor would set me off. I've gotten to the point now where I release my issues in a positive manner with exercise or that good old scream into the pillow technique. A good scream never hurt anybody, just the pillow. ;)
When I think about the moments where I just get mad, I get embarrassed for myself. The most recent snap was just this morning, I'm not proud to say. I was getting things ready for gymnastics. My plan: Feed Kara lunch and put Mason's lunch in a container so he would have something to do while she was in gymnastics. So then when she was done eating her lunch I would go get Mason up from his nap, throw both kids in the car and get to gymnastics 5 minutes early to put Mason in the stroller, grab my snack pack for him, get her in there early because I've moved her to a different class so that the time doesn't conflict with her swimming lessons. And get situated in the perfect spot to feed Mason. That was my plan.
Didn't happen! Nope, Kara decided that it was time for Mason to get up. My PLAN was out the window. If you don't know this already, I live my life based on my plans. I don't adjust well to quick changes. I got mad. "WHY DID YOU GO IN HIS ROOM!?!?!" I yell from the kitchen as I hear him scream because she's in there waking him up! I was mad! I was furious that she went around my plan and change it. Of course I hadn't told her to NOT go wake him up. But I just assumed she KNEW to stay out of his room. It was just a said thing. But she wanted him to eat lunch before we went to gymnastics. It was only fair they both eat. I stormed up the stairs and said, as if she understood this, "Now my plans are messed up." Do you have moments like this?!?!
So, like most moms, thinking on my feet and in the moment and responding like that is what we are good at. Of course I still fed both kids, we were late for gymnastics, I didn't get perfect seats, and Mason was agitated halfway through. But in the end, what was I angry about? That was what this chapter talked about. Figuring out exactly what I was angry about. I wasn't really angry at Kara for waking up Mason. Of course that did wrench my plans a bit. But the real reason I was frustrated was because I decided to not get up at 6 a.m. like I normally do when Aaron is gone for "ME TIME." It has to be that early. Otherwise I don't get it. It's my sanity time.
Getting mad is natural. I shouldn't be ashamed of this. And while I know there are times where it's over the top, I need to remember that I love my children. The things they do may make me angry in that moment, but in reality it's just a drop in the bucket. Memories are more important with positive productive responses, than with anger.
How do you respond to your kids when you are beyond the top frustrated?
More Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom cries over spilled milk.
- A real mom sometimes has bad days (or weeks).
- A real mom says to her kids, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?"
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