I have successfully, and unfortunately, committed all of the above.
There were many times when Kara was younger that I would look at some of my friends and decide that I was going to be a better mom than they were. Only to realize later on that I wasn't their kids mom, I was Kara's. This made a significant difference in how I mothered her. And how I viewed my friends.
And then we moved to a new place. And wow were my eyes opened. See in Utah everyone is pretty much the same. It's a culture that is based upon self-competition, in my opinion, and I couldn't compete, nor did I want to. I've never been one to fall in line and do as the neighbor does. I'm not a mom that forces my daughter to wear matchy matchy clothes everyday (not that there's anything wrong with that), but it's just not me. I want her to find her inner person and be happy with who she is. I'm also not a mom that will raise my kids somewhere simply because that's where my family is. I love my family, but it's a quest for a quality life for me and my family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to raise your children around your family. I just was not happy with the location of my family. LOL! So I changed location.
When I look at my mom friends I have now, I think to myself two things "I should try that." OR "Note to self: DO NOT DO THAT!!!" LOL
I am more than willing to give out information that has helped me, but I'm also open to suggestion when I ask for it. Probably like all mothers, I don't want someone to come in and tell me my kids are rough. I wish all moms could remember that all children are different and so are their moms. We don't mother in the same way and what works for me may not work for the next person down the road. And what works for Jane may not work for me.
Motherhood is a constant state of survival and adaptation. It is impossible to have one book that is the "all knowing and successful guide to raising children." There isn't one. There are many books I have read that make suggestions to how to encourage better outcomes with my children, but the truth is my children are hardwired to do whatever it is that comes naturally to them. It is my duty and responsibility to encourage them to grow, learn, and succeed.
When I compare my experience to a friend, I'm doing myself more harm than good. I do not have her kids, spouse, living arrangements, financial situation, life experience. It's impossible for me to hand her a load of advice and KNOW that it will work. I cannot judge her for her abilities. I believe that for the most part moms are doing the best they can with what they have and know.
I have to remember to not judge those that may be struggling in parenthood. I'm so not perfect. I have no place to judge. God is perfect. He has the final say in our situation. He will be the One that decides whether or not we could've used some improvement. And again back to my original belief, people are perfectly placed in our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. There have been times where I have been around OUTSTANDING (in my opinion) moms. I mean they are just "perfect" and I take from them what I need to know and use it. And there are times where I'm doubting my abilities, circumstances and wonder if I'm doing a good job with my kids, and then God shows me a mom who's struggling to pay her bills, talk to her kids, or just can't stop using drugs.
God has the final judgment in my motherhood season. I will leave the guidance up to Him and not some tell all book.
Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom sometimes has to - or wants to - work outside the home.
- A real mom compares herself with her friends - and stops there.
- A real mom smiles at her little angels as she passes someone else's screaming brats in the grocery store - and knows she shouldn't.
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