My 29th birthday was awesome. I realized that as I begin my 30th year of life, that I have not focused enough on myself. So I dub the next year, "The Year of Sam." I think everyone should have their own year. I think it would make everyone more successful in life. Discovering your true inner self while living among the beauty of the choices you've made in your life to get to this point.
I have a lot that I've accomplished in my short lifespan. But all of those successes were accomplished in spurts. I want to look back at this year as a year of positive change. A year where I didn't refuse any opportunity that helped me progress as a person.
I have 5 goals in mind to encourage my success. They are:
1) to see the optimism in every aspect, good and bad, of life
2) to grow closer to myself and be less critical
3) to get in the best shape of my life
4) to grow in my love for my kids and hubby (This is a given)
5) to work toward being the person I know I can be and the person I want to be
I am well on my for all of these, but it doesn't hurt to want to continue my growth as a person, woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend.
Peace.
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Thursday, November 11, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Will the Real Slim Sami Please Stand Up?
For as long as I can remember weight has been my battle. I've always been "larger" than the average female, never really obese in nature, but just simply "larger." According to my medical file from about three years ago, I was marked by my doctor as "a mildly obese woman." WOWSERS! Those words stabbed like a knife into my guts.
After reading those words, I knew something had to be done. But I wasn't quite sure of how to succeed. I am the queen of crash and fad diets, as I'm sure many of my female friends are too. For some reason we all feel the need to not just feel healthy, but look it as well. I've never had blood pressure problems, joint issues (while not pregnant), no issues with my menstrual cycle (until recently), no issues with back pain, no weird growths, no real issues with sugar. I am slightly hypoglycemic, but that's easily controlled with regular eating (of the right foods).
I lost about 10 lbs after reading my personal medical file where I was dubbed as part of our obese society. Then got pregnant with Mason. I was super healthy with him. I ate right, I even moderately exercised. I tried oh so very hard to not gain the same 67ish pounds I had gained with my daughter. (I did lose all that weight by the way.) With Mason I only gained about 25ish pounds. Easy and simple to take off post pregnancy. But then the real battle with my weight began.
I was determined to lose and get to a "healthy" status. I want that "mildly obese" phrase OUT of my medical file. I do have one major issue that fights against my weight loss. I have hypothyroidism. Have had this since I was about 14. (well that's when I was diagnosed) It makes it a tad difficult to lose weight. I simply have to watch even closer what I eat, and I have to work out a little bit harder or longer.
As I sit here blogging about this oh so personal issue for me, I wonder if there are other women like me. I know after having children our bodies change. It's impossible to prevent. But my body has changed for the better. I'm more driven now to lose weight, to keep up with my kids, to lengthen (hopefully) my life, and to keep my, so far, healthy track record in tact.
Being slim isn't really my goal. Losing weight is. I have to watch what I eat constantly. Until a couple months ago I was working out 3-5 times a week on my treadmill and with strength training. I don't think there really is any other way to lose weight except to do it over time and not only train your body to be smaller, but train your brain to think differently about what you are doing. My eating habits are indeed becoming habits, and exercise is a huge bonus in my emotional and mental stability.
One day soon I hope to blog that I've reached my goal weight, that I'm maintaining it, and that for once in my life the Slim Sami will abound and my medical record will no longer hold that awful phrase!
Peace.
After reading those words, I knew something had to be done. But I wasn't quite sure of how to succeed. I am the queen of crash and fad diets, as I'm sure many of my female friends are too. For some reason we all feel the need to not just feel healthy, but look it as well. I've never had blood pressure problems, joint issues (while not pregnant), no issues with my menstrual cycle (until recently), no issues with back pain, no weird growths, no real issues with sugar. I am slightly hypoglycemic, but that's easily controlled with regular eating (of the right foods).
I lost about 10 lbs after reading my personal medical file where I was dubbed as part of our obese society. Then got pregnant with Mason. I was super healthy with him. I ate right, I even moderately exercised. I tried oh so very hard to not gain the same 67ish pounds I had gained with my daughter. (I did lose all that weight by the way.) With Mason I only gained about 25ish pounds. Easy and simple to take off post pregnancy. But then the real battle with my weight began.
I was determined to lose and get to a "healthy" status. I want that "mildly obese" phrase OUT of my medical file. I do have one major issue that fights against my weight loss. I have hypothyroidism. Have had this since I was about 14. (well that's when I was diagnosed) It makes it a tad difficult to lose weight. I simply have to watch even closer what I eat, and I have to work out a little bit harder or longer.
As I sit here blogging about this oh so personal issue for me, I wonder if there are other women like me. I know after having children our bodies change. It's impossible to prevent. But my body has changed for the better. I'm more driven now to lose weight, to keep up with my kids, to lengthen (hopefully) my life, and to keep my, so far, healthy track record in tact.
Being slim isn't really my goal. Losing weight is. I have to watch what I eat constantly. Until a couple months ago I was working out 3-5 times a week on my treadmill and with strength training. I don't think there really is any other way to lose weight except to do it over time and not only train your body to be smaller, but train your brain to think differently about what you are doing. My eating habits are indeed becoming habits, and exercise is a huge bonus in my emotional and mental stability.
One day soon I hope to blog that I've reached my goal weight, that I'm maintaining it, and that for once in my life the Slim Sami will abound and my medical record will no longer hold that awful phrase!
Peace.
Friday, October 8, 2010
At 28 years old I never thought I'd be uttering the words hysterectomy as a part of my life. It seems so young to be experiencing such a process, yet here I am.
In life there are moments that define a person's integrity. Not that a hysterectomy has a lot to do with my integrity. What I mean is my life is full of moments that have prepared me for this transition into a different chapter. I am convinced our lives are books being written, chapter by chapter. The past 10 years has written like 50. No just kidding, but really it's been a ride.
My first surgery I was 19 and was forming tennis ball size cysts nearly over night on my ovaries. An emergency surgery was warranted in order to save my left ovary and keep a cyst from bursting. It was a scary ordeal. I was very frightened and unable to keep my fear to myself.
I remember the nurse asking me what brought me to the hospital, where I snidely answered, "My mom." It was the truth. She had taken me to the ER. As my anxiety level rose, the nurse asked me if I would like some sort of tranquilizer to which I responded, "I'm not a horse." That's the last of my memory until waking up in recovery and having the buckling pain gone! It was such a relief.
For 10 years I've avoided having any sort of surgery on my ovaries or uterus and here I am. In February I started having menstrual related migraines, so at my yearly checkup in April I expressed the issues to my doctor. We decided it could be related to my birth control, so we changed it. I won't bore you with the not fun details of the next 3 months spent on pain killers and migraine meds, as well as dealing with nausea and vomiting.
In September I went for an appointment and the ultrasound showed, what we thought, was a stuck left ovary and decided to remove it. We also decided to biopsy my uterus to check for an illness called Adenomyosis. Adenomyosis is a condition in which endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, is present within and grows into the muscular walls of the uterus.
So after a week of recovery, here we are. I went for my checkup and it's concluded with a severe adenomyosis diagnosis. Seeing that the only other solution to a hysterectomy is menopause, which I'm obviously too young for, hysterectomy has become a part of my 28-year-old vocabulary.
Was I planning to have more children, not sure. I figured if it was in the cards it would happen. But it never did before this issue. It's not life or death. It's a new beginning in a pain-free life. And for that I'm very happy.
I have one of the best doctors I've ever had and one of the best support systems a girl could ask for. But we'll see how I feel after really having the hysterectomy.
In life there are moments that define a person's integrity. Not that a hysterectomy has a lot to do with my integrity. What I mean is my life is full of moments that have prepared me for this transition into a different chapter. I am convinced our lives are books being written, chapter by chapter. The past 10 years has written like 50. No just kidding, but really it's been a ride.
My first surgery I was 19 and was forming tennis ball size cysts nearly over night on my ovaries. An emergency surgery was warranted in order to save my left ovary and keep a cyst from bursting. It was a scary ordeal. I was very frightened and unable to keep my fear to myself.
I remember the nurse asking me what brought me to the hospital, where I snidely answered, "My mom." It was the truth. She had taken me to the ER. As my anxiety level rose, the nurse asked me if I would like some sort of tranquilizer to which I responded, "I'm not a horse." That's the last of my memory until waking up in recovery and having the buckling pain gone! It was such a relief.
For 10 years I've avoided having any sort of surgery on my ovaries or uterus and here I am. In February I started having menstrual related migraines, so at my yearly checkup in April I expressed the issues to my doctor. We decided it could be related to my birth control, so we changed it. I won't bore you with the not fun details of the next 3 months spent on pain killers and migraine meds, as well as dealing with nausea and vomiting.
In September I went for an appointment and the ultrasound showed, what we thought, was a stuck left ovary and decided to remove it. We also decided to biopsy my uterus to check for an illness called Adenomyosis. Adenomyosis is a condition in which endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, is present within and grows into the muscular walls of the uterus.
So after a week of recovery, here we are. I went for my checkup and it's concluded with a severe adenomyosis diagnosis. Seeing that the only other solution to a hysterectomy is menopause, which I'm obviously too young for, hysterectomy has become a part of my 28-year-old vocabulary.
Was I planning to have more children, not sure. I figured if it was in the cards it would happen. But it never did before this issue. It's not life or death. It's a new beginning in a pain-free life. And for that I'm very happy.
I have one of the best doctors I've ever had and one of the best support systems a girl could ask for. But we'll see how I feel after really having the hysterectomy.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Pressing Onward
This poem was shared with me. So I thought I'd share it with you as my blog for today.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
-- Author Unknown
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
-- Author Unknown
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Chapter 11; Worry-Some Mom
Hello, my name is Samantha and I am a worry wart. My husband has diagnosed me with Worst Case Scenario Syndrome (not an official illness deemed by the medical field professionals). I am in transition.
I feel much better. LOL! Seriously, I really do worry about everything. My kids safety is at my utmost concern and even more so their future safety. How can I possibly be concerned for events that have not yet transpired? I am a mental case, as I think all moms are when it comes to their children.
However, am I only concerned inside? The truth is I know that I'm raising my children to be productive members of our society. If I cocoon them into a world of bubble wrap, who really am I protecting? One day they will leave my house and begin a life of their own. My only hope is that I raise them to make good decisions and be good to people.
It is really hard for me to let go in a timely manner. I know the day will come in the next year that Kara will be venturing off in her own to school. Kindergarten. That awful year. LOL! Really it's not awful, but it is the gearing up for another phase in my mothering season. I want my child to go to school. I want her to experience the social aspects in life and be a model of kindness. But I have to start that now. OH THE PRESSURE!!! It just so happens that I forget all too often that I have someone else to lean on. To rely on in the seasons of mothering. God.
The Bible states in Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
It is beyond important to me that I remember this scripture. It helps me when I'm struggling with protecting my kids from future unknowns. I know that God is there to help me, and He'll be there to help my kids.
I cannot protect my kids from everything, but I can arm them with the Word the Truth the knowledge that in everything they do, God is there for them. If I teach them this, they'll have a shield for their lives and I can rest. HAHAHAH! Yeah .. God knows me. He knows that I will do what I can for my kids, but I'll always have concern for them. It is natural for me to feel protective of my kids. I love them. But I won't always be there to encourage their decisions.
To be frank, I am scared out of my wits for them to be young adults. Only because I know how I was. LOL! I just hope they are equipped to make good decisions. Worrying will only get me so far. I have to equip them. I can't change the world around them, but I can encourage how they respond to it.
More Real Mom Moments:
I feel much better. LOL! Seriously, I really do worry about everything. My kids safety is at my utmost concern and even more so their future safety. How can I possibly be concerned for events that have not yet transpired? I am a mental case, as I think all moms are when it comes to their children.
However, am I only concerned inside? The truth is I know that I'm raising my children to be productive members of our society. If I cocoon them into a world of bubble wrap, who really am I protecting? One day they will leave my house and begin a life of their own. My only hope is that I raise them to make good decisions and be good to people.
It is really hard for me to let go in a timely manner. I know the day will come in the next year that Kara will be venturing off in her own to school. Kindergarten. That awful year. LOL! Really it's not awful, but it is the gearing up for another phase in my mothering season. I want my child to go to school. I want her to experience the social aspects in life and be a model of kindness. But I have to start that now. OH THE PRESSURE!!! It just so happens that I forget all too often that I have someone else to lean on. To rely on in the seasons of mothering. God.
The Bible states in Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
It is beyond important to me that I remember this scripture. It helps me when I'm struggling with protecting my kids from future unknowns. I know that God is there to help me, and He'll be there to help my kids.
I cannot protect my kids from everything, but I can arm them with the Word the Truth the knowledge that in everything they do, God is there for them. If I teach them this, they'll have a shield for their lives and I can rest. HAHAHAH! Yeah .. God knows me. He knows that I will do what I can for my kids, but I'll always have concern for them. It is natural for me to feel protective of my kids. I love them. But I won't always be there to encourage their decisions.
To be frank, I am scared out of my wits for them to be young adults. Only because I know how I was. LOL! I just hope they are equipped to make good decisions. Worrying will only get me so far. I have to equip them. I can't change the world around them, but I can encourage how they respond to it.
More Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom encourages her babies to do the next skill, and once her babies roll, crawl, or walk, she silently wishes her babies weren't growing up so fast.
- A real mom tells her husband to take the kids out for a while, and then determines not to worry the whole time they are gone.
- A real mom wants a night to herself for relaxation, but thinks about her kids the entire time.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Chapter 10: Busy Moms
Ok .. so it's kinda funny that this blog would be about being a busy mom, when that's the whole reason I haven't blogged in so long. I've been rather busy. From camping to in-laws to my sister's wedding out of state, life's been busy in our home.
After reading this chapter I came to the realization that I have some crazy expectations for myself. The funny thing about me is if I make a to-do list for myself .. it grows normally throughout the day .. I tend to quit if I don't get the first item checked off in the first hour of being awake. Perhaps I should make "drinking coffee" my first item.
I love having a clean house, but man it's rough with the two kids I have and the ages they are. One and 4 are rough dirty ages. They get out a ton of stuff at once and even Kara still doesn't quite understand the concept of "put something away before getting something else out." Which, most days, drives me UP THE FREAKING WALL!! Phew, ok I feel better now.
The truth is I'm a list-making, task-oriented, goal-driven, slightly control freak. I do not function well in chaos (just ask Aaron) and I do not work well when I don't know what is expected. I'm an organization junkie that lives in organized chaos. Being busy is what I do best.
However, when I have too many things on my to-do list, I fail. I think the true test of success for me would be to revamp my to-do list. There was a time when I had to vacuum and sweep daily. Mason had a healthy appetite for floor crap. So it was slightly necessary.
Being a busy mom is natural. we all do it. Women simply are built for multi-tasking and engaging in multiple activities at one time. Our houses are not always spotless. Seriously, I'll hire a maid if I can afford it at some point in my life. I'm not lying. I love a clean house, I just cannot simply do it at the moment. My vacuum lines will always appear though.
But don't stress over the little things. It's okay if the fort from yesterday is still built in the front room when your mother-in-law stops over for a visit, unexpectedly. It might be slightly entertaining to have her crawl through. :) Then .. in that case .. leaving that mess was completely worth it.
One last note, you don't always have to take your shoes off when you come in my house. I'll grade the floor cleanliness quality on a day to day basis.
More Real Mom Moments:
After reading this chapter I came to the realization that I have some crazy expectations for myself. The funny thing about me is if I make a to-do list for myself .. it grows normally throughout the day .. I tend to quit if I don't get the first item checked off in the first hour of being awake. Perhaps I should make "drinking coffee" my first item.
I love having a clean house, but man it's rough with the two kids I have and the ages they are. One and 4 are rough dirty ages. They get out a ton of stuff at once and even Kara still doesn't quite understand the concept of "put something away before getting something else out." Which, most days, drives me UP THE FREAKING WALL!! Phew, ok I feel better now.
The truth is I'm a list-making, task-oriented, goal-driven, slightly control freak. I do not function well in chaos (just ask Aaron) and I do not work well when I don't know what is expected. I'm an organization junkie that lives in organized chaos. Being busy is what I do best.
However, when I have too many things on my to-do list, I fail. I think the true test of success for me would be to revamp my to-do list. There was a time when I had to vacuum and sweep daily. Mason had a healthy appetite for floor crap. So it was slightly necessary.
Being a busy mom is natural. we all do it. Women simply are built for multi-tasking and engaging in multiple activities at one time. Our houses are not always spotless. Seriously, I'll hire a maid if I can afford it at some point in my life. I'm not lying. I love a clean house, I just cannot simply do it at the moment. My vacuum lines will always appear though.
But don't stress over the little things. It's okay if the fort from yesterday is still built in the front room when your mother-in-law stops over for a visit, unexpectedly. It might be slightly entertaining to have her crawl through. :) Then .. in that case .. leaving that mess was completely worth it.
One last note, you don't always have to take your shoes off when you come in my house. I'll grade the floor cleanliness quality on a day to day basis.
More Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom doesn't vacuum everyday.
- A real mom uses plates when entertaining guests. But lots of times the family gets paper plates.
- A real mom knows the true meaning of "eat and run."
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
S.O.S. Mom: Real Moms Need Help
Help. Hey isn't that a 4-letter word? Help. Yes it is. Asking for help has never been something that I've been good at. I don't do it near enough and I don't allow others to ask. I guess the old saying of "Do unto others as you would want them to do to you" or something like that rings true here. I insist that friends and family call on me when they are in need of help, yet I do not pay them the same respect.
I'm not sure exactly why I stop short of asking for help until I'm out of my mind crazy. For instance, last summer Aaron began this internship that would take him away from home for 4 weeks. I was here with a newborn and pretty much no idea of people or their motives. I don't attach myself to people until I figure them out (HAHAHAHAHAH!) but either way I was going crazy with trying to figure out how I was going to do both mine and Aaron's jobs. I didn't have any family coming to visit during that time and I was new to the community.
I had an acquaintance offer some "help" as it were with watching my kids so I could have some time to get things done and caught up. It took several attempts from her for me to take her up on her offer. I finally gave in and took my children to her home for a couple hours. Wow that was the most helpful thing at the time! I was literally going crazy with all my to-dos and this person was sitting there slapping me in the face with a barbwire offer and I was refusing. WHAT!?!?!
The choice to give in and be vulnerable to one's offer of help is difficult. It opens you up to a whole new status in a relationship. Though now it seems minimal and absolutely silly that I would be so guarded to help, it was the best thing for my kids and me.
When asking for help, I expect that my family and friends will help and then in return ask for help. It's a circular event that is only positive in nature. Help's innocence builds character and friendship. Asking and receiving lead to giving and back to asking and receiving.
Being a mom is definitely not a one-mom game. I'm reminded of a saying that it takes a village to raise a child. But then I think it takes a child to build a mom. My children help (there's that word again) build my character, temperament, and life. I would NOT be the person I am today without my kids. They have taught me how to ask for help.
Asking for help doesn't have to be a chore. It is a risk though. It does open you up to a whole new array of opportunities. I guess in any choice we make, it will change the course of our lives. Something from the Disney show "Mulan" says something about a small pebble making a load of impact. Something as small as asking for help can make an immense amount of impact on someone. You never know when that someone you are asking for help simply may need that feeling of being needed at that moment. Perhaps a mom whose children are grown and in school is needing that nuzzle from a newborn or the excitement of a toddler. Simply asking her for help gives her that brief sense of being a young (yet knowledgeable) mother again.
Help .. a 4-letter word .. most definitely .. but the most powerful act we can do as moms.
More Real Mom Moments:
Peace be with you all!
I'm not sure exactly why I stop short of asking for help until I'm out of my mind crazy. For instance, last summer Aaron began this internship that would take him away from home for 4 weeks. I was here with a newborn and pretty much no idea of people or their motives. I don't attach myself to people until I figure them out (HAHAHAHAHAH!) but either way I was going crazy with trying to figure out how I was going to do both mine and Aaron's jobs. I didn't have any family coming to visit during that time and I was new to the community.
I had an acquaintance offer some "help" as it were with watching my kids so I could have some time to get things done and caught up. It took several attempts from her for me to take her up on her offer. I finally gave in and took my children to her home for a couple hours. Wow that was the most helpful thing at the time! I was literally going crazy with all my to-dos and this person was sitting there slapping me in the face with a barbwire offer and I was refusing. WHAT!?!?!
The choice to give in and be vulnerable to one's offer of help is difficult. It opens you up to a whole new status in a relationship. Though now it seems minimal and absolutely silly that I would be so guarded to help, it was the best thing for my kids and me.
When asking for help, I expect that my family and friends will help and then in return ask for help. It's a circular event that is only positive in nature. Help's innocence builds character and friendship. Asking and receiving lead to giving and back to asking and receiving.
Being a mom is definitely not a one-mom game. I'm reminded of a saying that it takes a village to raise a child. But then I think it takes a child to build a mom. My children help (there's that word again) build my character, temperament, and life. I would NOT be the person I am today without my kids. They have taught me how to ask for help.
Asking for help doesn't have to be a chore. It is a risk though. It does open you up to a whole new array of opportunities. I guess in any choice we make, it will change the course of our lives. Something from the Disney show "Mulan" says something about a small pebble making a load of impact. Something as small as asking for help can make an immense amount of impact on someone. You never know when that someone you are asking for help simply may need that feeling of being needed at that moment. Perhaps a mom whose children are grown and in school is needing that nuzzle from a newborn or the excitement of a toddler. Simply asking her for help gives her that brief sense of being a young (yet knowledgeable) mother again.
Help .. a 4-letter word .. most definitely .. but the most powerful act we can do as moms.
More Real Mom Moments:
- A real mom needs other real moms.
- A real mom asks her kids to pray for her when she's having a bad day.
- A real mom realizes that while she is given the privilege of raising her kids, she is also given a window to the opportunity of raising herself.
Peace be with you all!
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