It's probably time I take the pacifier from Mason once and for all, but I can't seem to bring myself to remove the "numnum" from him. It has nothing really to do with his crying or whimpering for it in the middle of the night, or the lack of sleep we'll get for days and nights. Or that every time he puts in his mouth he wants to snuggle up on my shoulder with a blanket wrapped around him. Okay, maybe that last reason has a lot to do with it.
The truth is, he is my last baby. I can't have more kids. And while a lot of people will jump on the "be grateful for what you got" bandwagon let me elaborate a little more about how I'm feeling about this, before you start to accuse me of ungratefulness.
I always wanted 3 or 4 kids, I loved being pregnant with Mason. I love holding my newborn for the first time touching their fingertips, kissing their noses, wrapping them tight into a little human burrito. Meeting for the first this person that has been growing inside of me for nine months. Seeing for the first time their facial features, trying to figure out who they look like more; me or Aaron. Laying on the couch completely exhausted only to be lulled to sleep by the sleeping baby's breathing in and out on my chest.
Why do I cave on the "numnum?" Because I don't want to lose my last baby. Kids grow up too fast, and before you know it they are off and leaving for college. Mason is my boy, MY baby boy. I have a really hard time with digesting the fact that never again will I get to feel those exciting kicks inside my belly, or get the sleepless nights because of a hungry baby (Okay maybe not so much that one). Or watch my own baby learn to crawl, walk, talk for the first time. Taking away the pacifier is a right-of-passage. It means he's done needing that comfort from the pacifier. It means he's growing up. It means that I'm done raising babies to toddlers. And this saddens me.
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Thursday, January 20, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Multiple Personality Mom
I've been thinking a lot lately about me as a mom, me as a wife, me as a friend, and me as me. There are a lot of people in there. But they are all me. Perhaps a psychiatrist would diagnose me multiple-personality or some sort of disorder like that. And I think that, in this respect, it would be an accurate account to my mental state (and all mothers for that matter).
It's funny how quickly we become more than who we thought we were and nothing we recognize. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and a wife. I have only two children versus some of my friends with 3+. And though I wanted more, I'm sure that there is a reason, a very logical reason, that I only have two. I see the light when I lose my patience, when I feel like the day isn't going to end, when I look at my kids and only see monsters. Okay Okay, they aren't physically monsters, but you know those days where they pull the "momma momma momma momma mom mom mom ..." "WHAT!?!?" "Hi." Oh my gosh, those days are the days that nearly push me over the cliff, and just when I'm about to voluntarily jump, it's bedtime.
Then I sigh, and suddenly all the anxiety and frustration that has built up over the entire day fades away into a mist and I'm ready to do it all over again the very next day. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. But really I just love and adore my kids. They can be the most frustrating and yet the most rewarding aspect in my life. Especially when Kara says "Mom I have a secret for you" and then whispers in my ear that she loves me .. or when Mason blows me kisses or puckers up from across the room and walks the whole way to me to give me a kiss.
Kids are no walk in the park and there are many people that I know that should not have them. :) But aside from my superficial judgment, children are a beautifully endowed to us mothers by our Creator. We are blessed and chosen to be the mother to OUR children. No matter how the children came into our life, foster, adoption, birth, or bestowed by a family member in death. These children are ours to care for, love, teach, learn from, and let go.
My kids are still very young. But in the next year I'll be letting go of one of them to school. I know that in her short 5 years of life she has taught me more than I have taught her. I thought at one time kids were so simple to raise. I am guilty of what I call "Pre mother advice giving." I knew everything before I became a mother, only to realize that the moment I became pregnant with Kara I knew NOTHING! What a shock!! ;)
Letting go of our children into the hands of their own decision-making abilities is so nerve racking. The only rest I can take in knowing Kara will be okay is knowing that I've allowed her to find her sense of independence.
Children have taught me how to care for and love someone so unconditionally. I think that children are purposely design specifically for this in order to show us an example of God's love for us. We learn to love deeply the minute we hold our firstborn child. It's not that we don't love our partner, parents, siblings, etc., but loving our kids is what teaches us that unconditional love. It's deep, it's unexplainable.
As a mother I have found that two kids is enough for me. You don't particularly understand the trials in motherhood until you have two or more children to care for at one time. Don't get me wrong, there were times when it was just Kara that I thought I'd pull my hair out. But two kids is way way WAY different than one. And then you add in the spacing of the age. The closer the children are together in age the different the trials you have in mothering. My children are more than three years apart.
Look I don't want to deter anyone from having additional children, but just be aware the more you add the more you suffer. HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING! The more you have the more you have the more love you get. :) Not that I'm an advocate for huge families either. I guess it's a personal choice and what God hands you.
I always try to remind myself that when I'm having a bad day, my kids are being monsters, and I have a patience deficit, that I, at the very least, have today with my kids.
Peace.
It's funny how quickly we become more than who we thought we were and nothing we recognize. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and a wife. I have only two children versus some of my friends with 3+. And though I wanted more, I'm sure that there is a reason, a very logical reason, that I only have two. I see the light when I lose my patience, when I feel like the day isn't going to end, when I look at my kids and only see monsters. Okay Okay, they aren't physically monsters, but you know those days where they pull the "momma momma momma momma mom mom mom ..." "WHAT!?!?" "Hi." Oh my gosh, those days are the days that nearly push me over the cliff, and just when I'm about to voluntarily jump, it's bedtime.
Then I sigh, and suddenly all the anxiety and frustration that has built up over the entire day fades away into a mist and I'm ready to do it all over again the very next day. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. But really I just love and adore my kids. They can be the most frustrating and yet the most rewarding aspect in my life. Especially when Kara says "Mom I have a secret for you" and then whispers in my ear that she loves me .. or when Mason blows me kisses or puckers up from across the room and walks the whole way to me to give me a kiss.
Kids are no walk in the park and there are many people that I know that should not have them. :) But aside from my superficial judgment, children are a beautifully endowed to us mothers by our Creator. We are blessed and chosen to be the mother to OUR children. No matter how the children came into our life, foster, adoption, birth, or bestowed by a family member in death. These children are ours to care for, love, teach, learn from, and let go.
My kids are still very young. But in the next year I'll be letting go of one of them to school. I know that in her short 5 years of life she has taught me more than I have taught her. I thought at one time kids were so simple to raise. I am guilty of what I call "Pre mother advice giving." I knew everything before I became a mother, only to realize that the moment I became pregnant with Kara I knew NOTHING! What a shock!! ;)
Letting go of our children into the hands of their own decision-making abilities is so nerve racking. The only rest I can take in knowing Kara will be okay is knowing that I've allowed her to find her sense of independence.
Children have taught me how to care for and love someone so unconditionally. I think that children are purposely design specifically for this in order to show us an example of God's love for us. We learn to love deeply the minute we hold our firstborn child. It's not that we don't love our partner, parents, siblings, etc., but loving our kids is what teaches us that unconditional love. It's deep, it's unexplainable.
As a mother I have found that two kids is enough for me. You don't particularly understand the trials in motherhood until you have two or more children to care for at one time. Don't get me wrong, there were times when it was just Kara that I thought I'd pull my hair out. But two kids is way way WAY different than one. And then you add in the spacing of the age. The closer the children are together in age the different the trials you have in mothering. My children are more than three years apart.
Look I don't want to deter anyone from having additional children, but just be aware the more you add the more you suffer. HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING! The more you have the more you have the more love you get. :) Not that I'm an advocate for huge families either. I guess it's a personal choice and what God hands you.
I always try to remind myself that when I'm having a bad day, my kids are being monsters, and I have a patience deficit, that I, at the very least, have today with my kids.
Peace.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
30 by 30
So I was reading about this list that you are supposed to make when you turn 29 about the 30 things you wish to accomplish by age 30. I never did this, so I think I'll do it now. In no particular order.
1. lose weight (I'm sure this is every woman's #1)
2. journal more
3. forgive
4. cross country ski more often
5. climb Lazy Mountain (which I've been told is not a lazy mountain)
6. run in the Mayor's Marathon (the five-miler)
7. be sure to let my friends know how much they mean to me
8. ask for help when needed (this is hard for me)
9. catch a salmon with my fishing rod
10. fix my tattoo on my ankle
11. get my nose pierced (hahaha .. we'll see if this happens)
12. take an R&R trip to Seattle (already in the making)
13. pay off some debt
14. grow my business
15. sleep a solid amount of hours every night (obviously tonight is excluded)
16. exercise regularly (it's good for the heart)
17. love on my babies everyday
18. tell Aaron I love him everyday
19. practice the piano more
20. play the guitar more often
21. effectively teach Kara the running man
22. remember to water my indoor plants regularly (I'm sure this one can be successful)
23. work on my relationship with God (it's been a bit rejected lately)
24. declutter my house
25. drive the Denali Park Road (this is conditional I have to enter a lottery and get drawn for it)
26. shoot a gun
27. remember to call my daddy every Sunday
28. embrace the relationship as it is with specific family members
29. move on from the past and not hold on to so much hurt
30. learn to love myself for who and what I am!
I think that that list is achievable. I also want to say it's not in order of importance.
1. lose weight (I'm sure this is every woman's #1)
2. journal more
3. forgive
4. cross country ski more often
5. climb Lazy Mountain (which I've been told is not a lazy mountain)
6. run in the Mayor's Marathon (the five-miler)
7. be sure to let my friends know how much they mean to me
8. ask for help when needed (this is hard for me)
9. catch a salmon with my fishing rod
10. fix my tattoo on my ankle
11. get my nose pierced (hahaha .. we'll see if this happens)
12. take an R&R trip to Seattle (already in the making)
13. pay off some debt
14. grow my business
15. sleep a solid amount of hours every night (obviously tonight is excluded)
16. exercise regularly (it's good for the heart)
17. love on my babies everyday
18. tell Aaron I love him everyday
19. practice the piano more
20. play the guitar more often
21. effectively teach Kara the running man
22. remember to water my indoor plants regularly (I'm sure this one can be successful)
23. work on my relationship with God (it's been a bit rejected lately)
24. declutter my house
25. drive the Denali Park Road (this is conditional I have to enter a lottery and get drawn for it)
26. shoot a gun
27. remember to call my daddy every Sunday
28. embrace the relationship as it is with specific family members
29. move on from the past and not hold on to so much hurt
30. learn to love myself for who and what I am!
I think that that list is achievable. I also want to say it's not in order of importance.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2010
As I sit here and recollect 2010 there are so many things that happened this year that were amazing, some that were awe inspiring, and some that I would rather not repeat.
It's hard for me to narrow down the times that were the best and the worst. I try not to dwell on certain events. But I'll name a few that were very instrumental toward our future.
The beginning of the year defined my desire to become a full-blown teacher. I am in love with educating young minds and seeing those moments when students get it. It's the most amazing thing! However, since our children are so young, Aaron and I decided that it's best for them that I stay home. Childcare is not my idea of a place for my kids, since our lifestyle does not require I work. We have the ability to afford me to be home to raise our kids. So in time I will become a teacher of young minds. =)
Mason turned 1 in March. What a great celebration that was! I love my boy more than ever, and his birthday is just one day of the year where we get to focus just on him and celebrate the gift of his life.
In July, we flew to Las Vegas to watch my sister marry the love of her life. It's been a moment in waiting for many years, and it was beautiful to watch. I love the maturity of these two and I am patiently waiting for a niece or nephew to befall these two wonderful people. They have gone through a lot together and deserve more than ever to have everything they want.
August birthed a new beginning for me and starting my own photography business. Nature and landscape photography has been a private hobby of mine. I love nature! I love capturing nature in its raw beauty. But starting SAK Photography has allowed me to incorporate people into my already existing hobby.
September brought about a surgery that would forever change the course of our lives. The result of the surgery was an inevitable hysterectomy. Though to some that may seem very minor, to me it was life changing. You never really know if you're done having children until you are forced with a one-way decision.
November brings around celebration every year, but this year it was a culmination of three. Both Aaron and I turned 29, which is a birthday I've been looking forward to forever. HAHAH! It's an age for me that says "I'm a grownup." It is also the month and year that Kara turned 5. The past 5 years have been such a ride with my beautiful girl. She is smart, amazing, and altogether wonderful. I just cannot believe she is 5. This is a milestone birthday for all parents, I think. For us it was a time to celebrate Kara and all she is.
December was the month I had been dreading for three months. My hysterectomy came December 21, and was actually an amazing relief from the pain and dragging I had been feeling for the past 9ish months. I was in awe at how well I felt just fresh out of surgery. I had an amazing doctor for my care, and a wonderful husband to care for me at home. I am so thankful that I feel so much better.
Christmas is always a special time because of the birth of our Lord and Savior. December's celebration of Christ's birth always reminds me that even though I may have had a rough time in the past year, He is there to help me through the coming year. I celebrate his birth, as most do, December 25 and was overwhelmed this year with gratitude for my husband and children.
The New Year's Eve celebration is, by far, my favorite holiday. There's something that so simple and pure about the idea of a new beginning in a new year. It's never a "real" new beginning. We don't just "wipe" the previous year(s) away as if they never existed. I find that the new year is a way to remember the past and move on to the future while using our learned lessons today.
I hope that to all of you you've had a wonderful year, up and down, but most of all, I hope you all loved!
Peace.
It's hard for me to narrow down the times that were the best and the worst. I try not to dwell on certain events. But I'll name a few that were very instrumental toward our future.
The beginning of the year defined my desire to become a full-blown teacher. I am in love with educating young minds and seeing those moments when students get it. It's the most amazing thing! However, since our children are so young, Aaron and I decided that it's best for them that I stay home. Childcare is not my idea of a place for my kids, since our lifestyle does not require I work. We have the ability to afford me to be home to raise our kids. So in time I will become a teacher of young minds. =)
Mason turned 1 in March. What a great celebration that was! I love my boy more than ever, and his birthday is just one day of the year where we get to focus just on him and celebrate the gift of his life.
In July, we flew to Las Vegas to watch my sister marry the love of her life. It's been a moment in waiting for many years, and it was beautiful to watch. I love the maturity of these two and I am patiently waiting for a niece or nephew to befall these two wonderful people. They have gone through a lot together and deserve more than ever to have everything they want.
August birthed a new beginning for me and starting my own photography business. Nature and landscape photography has been a private hobby of mine. I love nature! I love capturing nature in its raw beauty. But starting SAK Photography has allowed me to incorporate people into my already existing hobby.
September brought about a surgery that would forever change the course of our lives. The result of the surgery was an inevitable hysterectomy. Though to some that may seem very minor, to me it was life changing. You never really know if you're done having children until you are forced with a one-way decision.
November brings around celebration every year, but this year it was a culmination of three. Both Aaron and I turned 29, which is a birthday I've been looking forward to forever. HAHAH! It's an age for me that says "I'm a grownup." It is also the month and year that Kara turned 5. The past 5 years have been such a ride with my beautiful girl. She is smart, amazing, and altogether wonderful. I just cannot believe she is 5. This is a milestone birthday for all parents, I think. For us it was a time to celebrate Kara and all she is.
December was the month I had been dreading for three months. My hysterectomy came December 21, and was actually an amazing relief from the pain and dragging I had been feeling for the past 9ish months. I was in awe at how well I felt just fresh out of surgery. I had an amazing doctor for my care, and a wonderful husband to care for me at home. I am so thankful that I feel so much better.
Christmas is always a special time because of the birth of our Lord and Savior. December's celebration of Christ's birth always reminds me that even though I may have had a rough time in the past year, He is there to help me through the coming year. I celebrate his birth, as most do, December 25 and was overwhelmed this year with gratitude for my husband and children.
The New Year's Eve celebration is, by far, my favorite holiday. There's something that so simple and pure about the idea of a new beginning in a new year. It's never a "real" new beginning. We don't just "wipe" the previous year(s) away as if they never existed. I find that the new year is a way to remember the past and move on to the future while using our learned lessons today.
I hope that to all of you you've had a wonderful year, up and down, but most of all, I hope you all loved!
Peace.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Me me oh beautiful me
My 29th birthday was awesome. I realized that as I begin my 30th year of life, that I have not focused enough on myself. So I dub the next year, "The Year of Sam." I think everyone should have their own year. I think it would make everyone more successful in life. Discovering your true inner self while living among the beauty of the choices you've made in your life to get to this point.
I have a lot that I've accomplished in my short lifespan. But all of those successes were accomplished in spurts. I want to look back at this year as a year of positive change. A year where I didn't refuse any opportunity that helped me progress as a person.
I have 5 goals in mind to encourage my success. They are:
1) to see the optimism in every aspect, good and bad, of life
2) to grow closer to myself and be less critical
3) to get in the best shape of my life
4) to grow in my love for my kids and hubby (This is a given)
5) to work toward being the person I know I can be and the person I want to be
I am well on my for all of these, but it doesn't hurt to want to continue my growth as a person, woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend.
Peace.
I have a lot that I've accomplished in my short lifespan. But all of those successes were accomplished in spurts. I want to look back at this year as a year of positive change. A year where I didn't refuse any opportunity that helped me progress as a person.
I have 5 goals in mind to encourage my success. They are:
1) to see the optimism in every aspect, good and bad, of life
2) to grow closer to myself and be less critical
3) to get in the best shape of my life
4) to grow in my love for my kids and hubby (This is a given)
5) to work toward being the person I know I can be and the person I want to be
I am well on my for all of these, but it doesn't hurt to want to continue my growth as a person, woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend.
Peace.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Will the Real Slim Sami Please Stand Up?
For as long as I can remember weight has been my battle. I've always been "larger" than the average female, never really obese in nature, but just simply "larger." According to my medical file from about three years ago, I was marked by my doctor as "a mildly obese woman." WOWSERS! Those words stabbed like a knife into my guts.
After reading those words, I knew something had to be done. But I wasn't quite sure of how to succeed. I am the queen of crash and fad diets, as I'm sure many of my female friends are too. For some reason we all feel the need to not just feel healthy, but look it as well. I've never had blood pressure problems, joint issues (while not pregnant), no issues with my menstrual cycle (until recently), no issues with back pain, no weird growths, no real issues with sugar. I am slightly hypoglycemic, but that's easily controlled with regular eating (of the right foods).
I lost about 10 lbs after reading my personal medical file where I was dubbed as part of our obese society. Then got pregnant with Mason. I was super healthy with him. I ate right, I even moderately exercised. I tried oh so very hard to not gain the same 67ish pounds I had gained with my daughter. (I did lose all that weight by the way.) With Mason I only gained about 25ish pounds. Easy and simple to take off post pregnancy. But then the real battle with my weight began.
I was determined to lose and get to a "healthy" status. I want that "mildly obese" phrase OUT of my medical file. I do have one major issue that fights against my weight loss. I have hypothyroidism. Have had this since I was about 14. (well that's when I was diagnosed) It makes it a tad difficult to lose weight. I simply have to watch even closer what I eat, and I have to work out a little bit harder or longer.
As I sit here blogging about this oh so personal issue for me, I wonder if there are other women like me. I know after having children our bodies change. It's impossible to prevent. But my body has changed for the better. I'm more driven now to lose weight, to keep up with my kids, to lengthen (hopefully) my life, and to keep my, so far, healthy track record in tact.
Being slim isn't really my goal. Losing weight is. I have to watch what I eat constantly. Until a couple months ago I was working out 3-5 times a week on my treadmill and with strength training. I don't think there really is any other way to lose weight except to do it over time and not only train your body to be smaller, but train your brain to think differently about what you are doing. My eating habits are indeed becoming habits, and exercise is a huge bonus in my emotional and mental stability.
One day soon I hope to blog that I've reached my goal weight, that I'm maintaining it, and that for once in my life the Slim Sami will abound and my medical record will no longer hold that awful phrase!
Peace.
After reading those words, I knew something had to be done. But I wasn't quite sure of how to succeed. I am the queen of crash and fad diets, as I'm sure many of my female friends are too. For some reason we all feel the need to not just feel healthy, but look it as well. I've never had blood pressure problems, joint issues (while not pregnant), no issues with my menstrual cycle (until recently), no issues with back pain, no weird growths, no real issues with sugar. I am slightly hypoglycemic, but that's easily controlled with regular eating (of the right foods).
I lost about 10 lbs after reading my personal medical file where I was dubbed as part of our obese society. Then got pregnant with Mason. I was super healthy with him. I ate right, I even moderately exercised. I tried oh so very hard to not gain the same 67ish pounds I had gained with my daughter. (I did lose all that weight by the way.) With Mason I only gained about 25ish pounds. Easy and simple to take off post pregnancy. But then the real battle with my weight began.
I was determined to lose and get to a "healthy" status. I want that "mildly obese" phrase OUT of my medical file. I do have one major issue that fights against my weight loss. I have hypothyroidism. Have had this since I was about 14. (well that's when I was diagnosed) It makes it a tad difficult to lose weight. I simply have to watch even closer what I eat, and I have to work out a little bit harder or longer.
As I sit here blogging about this oh so personal issue for me, I wonder if there are other women like me. I know after having children our bodies change. It's impossible to prevent. But my body has changed for the better. I'm more driven now to lose weight, to keep up with my kids, to lengthen (hopefully) my life, and to keep my, so far, healthy track record in tact.
Being slim isn't really my goal. Losing weight is. I have to watch what I eat constantly. Until a couple months ago I was working out 3-5 times a week on my treadmill and with strength training. I don't think there really is any other way to lose weight except to do it over time and not only train your body to be smaller, but train your brain to think differently about what you are doing. My eating habits are indeed becoming habits, and exercise is a huge bonus in my emotional and mental stability.
One day soon I hope to blog that I've reached my goal weight, that I'm maintaining it, and that for once in my life the Slim Sami will abound and my medical record will no longer hold that awful phrase!
Peace.
Friday, October 8, 2010
At 28 years old I never thought I'd be uttering the words hysterectomy as a part of my life. It seems so young to be experiencing such a process, yet here I am.
In life there are moments that define a person's integrity. Not that a hysterectomy has a lot to do with my integrity. What I mean is my life is full of moments that have prepared me for this transition into a different chapter. I am convinced our lives are books being written, chapter by chapter. The past 10 years has written like 50. No just kidding, but really it's been a ride.
My first surgery I was 19 and was forming tennis ball size cysts nearly over night on my ovaries. An emergency surgery was warranted in order to save my left ovary and keep a cyst from bursting. It was a scary ordeal. I was very frightened and unable to keep my fear to myself.
I remember the nurse asking me what brought me to the hospital, where I snidely answered, "My mom." It was the truth. She had taken me to the ER. As my anxiety level rose, the nurse asked me if I would like some sort of tranquilizer to which I responded, "I'm not a horse." That's the last of my memory until waking up in recovery and having the buckling pain gone! It was such a relief.
For 10 years I've avoided having any sort of surgery on my ovaries or uterus and here I am. In February I started having menstrual related migraines, so at my yearly checkup in April I expressed the issues to my doctor. We decided it could be related to my birth control, so we changed it. I won't bore you with the not fun details of the next 3 months spent on pain killers and migraine meds, as well as dealing with nausea and vomiting.
In September I went for an appointment and the ultrasound showed, what we thought, was a stuck left ovary and decided to remove it. We also decided to biopsy my uterus to check for an illness called Adenomyosis. Adenomyosis is a condition in which endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, is present within and grows into the muscular walls of the uterus.
So after a week of recovery, here we are. I went for my checkup and it's concluded with a severe adenomyosis diagnosis. Seeing that the only other solution to a hysterectomy is menopause, which I'm obviously too young for, hysterectomy has become a part of my 28-year-old vocabulary.
Was I planning to have more children, not sure. I figured if it was in the cards it would happen. But it never did before this issue. It's not life or death. It's a new beginning in a pain-free life. And for that I'm very happy.
I have one of the best doctors I've ever had and one of the best support systems a girl could ask for. But we'll see how I feel after really having the hysterectomy.
In life there are moments that define a person's integrity. Not that a hysterectomy has a lot to do with my integrity. What I mean is my life is full of moments that have prepared me for this transition into a different chapter. I am convinced our lives are books being written, chapter by chapter. The past 10 years has written like 50. No just kidding, but really it's been a ride.
My first surgery I was 19 and was forming tennis ball size cysts nearly over night on my ovaries. An emergency surgery was warranted in order to save my left ovary and keep a cyst from bursting. It was a scary ordeal. I was very frightened and unable to keep my fear to myself.
I remember the nurse asking me what brought me to the hospital, where I snidely answered, "My mom." It was the truth. She had taken me to the ER. As my anxiety level rose, the nurse asked me if I would like some sort of tranquilizer to which I responded, "I'm not a horse." That's the last of my memory until waking up in recovery and having the buckling pain gone! It was such a relief.
For 10 years I've avoided having any sort of surgery on my ovaries or uterus and here I am. In February I started having menstrual related migraines, so at my yearly checkup in April I expressed the issues to my doctor. We decided it could be related to my birth control, so we changed it. I won't bore you with the not fun details of the next 3 months spent on pain killers and migraine meds, as well as dealing with nausea and vomiting.
In September I went for an appointment and the ultrasound showed, what we thought, was a stuck left ovary and decided to remove it. We also decided to biopsy my uterus to check for an illness called Adenomyosis. Adenomyosis is a condition in which endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, is present within and grows into the muscular walls of the uterus.
So after a week of recovery, here we are. I went for my checkup and it's concluded with a severe adenomyosis diagnosis. Seeing that the only other solution to a hysterectomy is menopause, which I'm obviously too young for, hysterectomy has become a part of my 28-year-old vocabulary.
Was I planning to have more children, not sure. I figured if it was in the cards it would happen. But it never did before this issue. It's not life or death. It's a new beginning in a pain-free life. And for that I'm very happy.
I have one of the best doctors I've ever had and one of the best support systems a girl could ask for. But we'll see how I feel after really having the hysterectomy.
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