Mawwage is what bwings us togevah, today.

"Mawwage is what bwings us togevah today. Wuv .. sweet wuv..." LOL whenever I think of marriage I automatically think of the wedding scene in the "Princess Bride." It cracks me up. But it makes complete sense too. Aaron and I have been married 6.5 years and in that time we've learned A LOT about each other, and still are learning things about each other. I'm going to preface this blog with a disclaimer; I am not a psychologist or therapist. I have not been paid to write this blog. I am not a marital bliss professional. I have only  made assumptions and conclusions based on careful observations.

When I think about people getting married two main things pop into my head. 1) They must love each other; or 2) She is pregnant. Yes, I know that sounds very judgmental, but those are two of the only reasons I can think of anyone getting married in our culture. Marriage is so obsolete these days with all the celebrities getting married then getting divorced, or our neighbors, friends, family. It doesn't seem to have it's value anymore. It's a "stepping" stone of sorts. The appeal is only to combine two peoples' fortunes, or because "Well we've been through a lot together, I guess it's the next step." What happened to the intimacy, the romance? Where's the love in marriage anymore?

The definition of intimacy is 1: the state of being intimate : familiarity 2: something of a personal or private nature. Our relationships are exposed to every corner of the world. We have so many social networking Web sites to determine if people are in a relationship, married, single, divorced. We have cell phones that can text the details of an argument in an instant. We can call anyone anywhere at any given time and expose the dearest details of our friends or family member's most private issues. Intimacy is gone. Bringing it back is important in a marriage. I love my husband. I love that when I look at him, I know that our private lives are private. I can trust that he isn't going to expose my secrets to anyone, and he can trust me. I know that when I am with him, he loves me for who and what I am, regardless of my hormonal state. Now that's something. Women are hormonal, don't shake your head like you are perfect. Cause if you are female, and you have ovaries .. you are hormonal. And our men, put up with it. WHY?

This brings me to the point about closeness. When I am frustrated with Aaron, I don't run to my friends necessarily and expose my issues with him. I have to think them through. Am I wrong? Is he? What am I frustrated about? The truth is, when I am close with Aaron, my frustrations are minor. When I am with him, being close to him feels natural. When I allow minor issues to build into a mountain and put that wedge between us, I feel less close to him. And it's not his fault that my perspective is screwed up. It's mine. We are in a relationship together. Not just him, not just me. I would've left myself a long time ago. But we are close. Not just in proximity, but emotionally.

Which brings me to experiences. We all have issues in our marriages. My marriage is no different. It's not been perfect, but it's been mine and Aaron's. And we own it. Every miscommunication, every misunderstanding, every good time and bad. We did that together. We experienced it all together. Our experiences have made our relationship strong. When you are experiencing life together, you understand each other. You learn from each other. Even if your perspectives are different, you're growing together. You can't go through your marriage as if you are bystander. You are an important part. You are required to give your whole self to your partner. This is the person you've chosen to experience life with. And you are suppose to do it without expecting the same in return. Look that may seem a bit off key to some, but the truth is .. your partner will never give you back what you gave to them because they are not you! He or she can give you what HE or SHE can give you. And you take it with gratitude. If you are going through these experiences expecting magical fairy tales, it'll never add up. You build a relationship together being who you are, and accepting one another for that.


I can't tell you how many conversations I've had in the past six years while I've been married with friends who are married. Some now divorced. It always amazes me at how selfish one can be in a relationship. You don't go into a relationship expecting that you will be the one getting all the gold. You fall in love and care for someone to give them all your gold. Why is it when times are tough, or situations are rough, we start lashing about the things that were never given to us? If I look at my marriage honestly, I know that there have been times that I have been completely selfish, not loving Aaron for exactly the man he was, is and always will be. 
Changing this is hard, but it is possible. I'm not an "experienced married person." But I do know what selfishness looks like! Be grateful for the man or wife in your life! You chose them for a reason. And if you can't remember why you chose them, try to find new reasons to choose them!

Peace.

Joy

In light of my newest family member, my nephew Ethan born today, it got me thinking about when my kids were born. As such events do for mothers. I remember holding Kara for the first time. I remember her smiles, her scent, the sound of her cry. I remember my labor, the doctors, nurses. The panic when one nurse ripped an in-progress IV from my left hand to bolt from the room for an emergency c-section on a baby who's heart had stopped.

I remember my doctor yelling at the nurses for paging him wrong, missing the delivery, but being extremely thankful that I had such an awesome nurse to "catch" Kara as she entered the world strong and vibrant. She was my firstborn. The whole experience is vivid. She changed everything about me. She was such a blessing.

A first child is exhilarating and exhausting at the same time. You really don't know what to expect until you are in the thick of it. It's so much different than you ever expect. If there's anything I can tell my sister it's that this time, the next few weeks of adjustment, are only temporary. Looking past those few tiring weeks is an amazing experience as a mom. The child that has been given to her and Thomas was chosen for them. They were perfectly designed to parent him. He will be their son and will show them the love that God has for them. Unconditional.

Being a mom for the first time is exciting.

Autumn Themed Placemat Craft

I love this time of year! I love the scents, the crisp autumn air. I love the decorations that are used to show our change in seasons. I also love how everyone always seems to have a cheer about them. This time of year gets my creative juices flowing for crafts. And being an organizer for a mom's group here, I get to create and put to use my craft for other to do.

My new idea was to create fall theme place mats. It was fun. My kids collected leaves from outside, I pulled out some crafting paper, glue and the laminator and away we went.

 Kara absolutely loves doing crafts. And doing one today with the windy cold air outside was a perfect "indoor" activity. She also loved that she got to use the leaves she raked up from outside.

 Mason is a lot like me with crafts. He has Arts and Crafts ADD. I also suffer from this illness on most days. But I was pretty jazzed about this craft.

I did go one step further and made matching napkin holders. I thought the whole process was fun. See there's a lot you can do with the leaves outside. So next time when you grunt about raking up the durn leaves, maybe save a few and create a fun activity for the kids! :)

One thing I would change .. I will let the glue dry before laminating. :)

Peace.

"Oh GOSH!"

I think that raising a two-year-old boy has its benefits. My son's vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds, and everyday he is more and more understandable, putting together three and four-word phrases that make complete sense. Like for instance, this morning when he was in his room, ready to wake up and leave his room, he was at his door saying "Mommy, open my door."

One might ask why he doesn't open his door himself. I'll explain. See when he figured out how to open doors, we couldn't keep him in his room at night. Well this all took place while I was on a nine-day mommy vacay in May. So I guess, Aaron couldn't keep him in his room. So he purchased those doorknob things, you know the ones that go over the doorknobs to keep children out of rooms. Well Aaron put one inside Mason's room to keep him in. Only, Mason was able to get the knob detractor thingy ma bobber off. Soooo, what's the only logical thing to do .... duck tape it on there. So he can't get out of his room. I'm pretty confident that we are the not the first parents to block our children in their rooms for somewhat peaceful sleep.

Just don't shut the door when you are in the room with him. It's a pain in the neck to try to open. =)

At any rate, I digress to the new phrases he is picking up. So this morning we got home after dropping Kara off at school and he wanted to watch "Toy Story." I said, "No, but I think Cat in the Hat is on......" I wasn't confident in this scenario, nor how it was going to play out. Boys are strong-willed and stubborn, or at least mine is. He puts his hands on his knees and says as he's walking toward the family room "Ohhh, gossshhh, Momma."

This is his new thing when he's conceding but not all the way. Everyday I get about five or 10 "Oh, Gosh, Momma's." It's quite cute and hilarious. He keeps me hopping!

Peace.

A bit of frustration.

It's one of those "Ah ha" moments that you realize that a certain habit has created a little too much drama in your life. Well that's where I'm at with Facebook. I used it as a tool to keep in contact with people. I created photo albums so family and friends could watch our life unfold in Alaska. I even added and deleted somewhere around 600 friends. Down to 258 at this point. And 80% of them are family. So, I ask myself, I said "Self, why do you keep your Facebook? Why open yourself up to all the wonders of drama and misinterpreted jokes?" And I answered "I'm addicted."

Yep, folks, I have an addiction to FB. And over the past 2ish years my addiction has gotten more and more consuming. I'm on my phone, on TWO computers at one time in two different rooms in my house, glancing at it when I get the chance at someone else's house, and to make matters worse, I started posting more and more private matters. FB became like my "home away from home" when I was needing to escape from whatever my task was at hand.

Recently, a "friend" reposted a conversation I had had on my FB page with other "friends." He so politely posted it on a Left Wing FB page with some inaccurate information and only, of course, posting the part of the conversation that deemed him a Left Wing Hero. He so politely left my first name and picture posted with the conversation and then claimed my husband was out of work and I was a journalist.

Let's be clear here about one thing, I don't care if my conversations are copied, pasted, re-posted, whatever. The insulting parts were that my picture -- meaning my face -- was still attached with my first name. And let's just clear a few other things up while we're at it. I am no longer a journalist. I worked in radio and newspaper for five years. Was disgusted and disgruntled by the fact that I was UNABLE to speak or print my own opinion OR keep what I was editing unbiased if it went with what the media was portraying. The media is biased, people. Believe it or not, I don't care. I switched gears and got a new degree in elementary education, sought a new course for my life. So get that right, you left-winged bigot. And 2) my husband is not an "out-of-work teacher." He is actually progressing, working hard for everything he earns, and is able, because of his hard work, to provide for his family and allow me to be a stay at home mom!

Now I'm not usually an angry person, but I cannot STAND when people feel like it's their place to bring people or families down. Get a grip society, we will only be as good as the worst. Don't be the person that brings everyone down. It's OKAY to have different opinions. It's okay to make mistakes, regroup and come back. And believe me, it's OKAY to defend yourself, your family, and your integrity.

Peace.